We tend to perceive endings as a kind of death. We dread them, we try to prevent them, and we grieve them, experiencing feelings of scarcity and loss. We think that’s OK, to an extent. We can mourn our losses, but it’s also important to see endings as a means to impending freshness.
We tend to get so caught up in endings that we forget to focus on the present moment. We cling to what has been (the past) and fear the unknown, post-ending (the future). It can be the ending of a job, a friendship, an experience, or of course, a love or relationship. Being OK with—and even excited about the prospect of—an ending is allowing ourselves to be present.
When it comes to the end of a relationship, You need to stop ‘seeing the good’ in suckas and start seeing the shit they show you. Their energy will never change, but yours can. We can’t think of a better amen moment when that’s the kind of ending we’re fixed upon.
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The most important tip to take away from this post is to make sure you plan for what’s next, rather than thinking about what could’ve been: “Your journey is difficult because you’re called to do dope shit, and not everyone will be allowed on the Muthafuckin’ ride. Don’t trip; the universe has a way of gifting you something in return when you lose something close to you. That’s what moving forward is all about.” It’s about momentum. No need to swing back when everything in our life is ahead of us.
Much of the time we don’t realize that something isn’t serving us. Maybe it looks great on paper. Maybe it’s the source of our livelihood, whether we are truly happy in it or not. In this way, we can keep ourselves stuck in energetic toxicity. When you focus on your path, you’ll gain more than you ever fuckin’ lost.
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2021 is the year we match this kind of intensity. Sometimes we don’t choose when the eject button is hit, but that doesn’t make it a bad thing. Embrace the free fall, and get ready for new growth. All we can do is bloom.
2021 just started, your year has not been ruined. RESET AND RECHARGE!
Are you autosexual? The short answer is yes, most likely. We all are, at least a little. Casey Tanner, therapist, writer, and founder of QueerSexTherapy, helped us define autosexuality as “a trait wherein one is turned on by engaging in their eroticism.” In other simpler term, it means that you havean emotional and sexual attraction toyourself. So, to be autosexual, you have a sexual desire for yourself, being erotically aroused by your own physical being. A prime example of this is simply women in general. While it may not be accurate for everyone, we generally feel more sexual and turned on when we feel we are sexy. But it’s not just about the ladies.
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“ While masturbation is the most obvious example, autosexuality (or autoromantic ) may extend beyond sexual behavior to include feeling a longing or desire for oneself. It can also be the ability to turn oneself on through looking at, visualizing, touching, or smelling oneself.
Simply put, being autosexual is feeling a sexual attraction toward yourself, like sex and relationship expert Carmel Jones explains. The term is often also brought up with “autoromantic,” which refers to a romantic attraction to yourself, whereas “autosexual” is just the sexual component.
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Tanner tells us that “like most human characteristics, autosexuality is a spectrum—and the majority of us are on it! Some may identify as exclusively autosexual, in which case they might consider autosexuality their sexual orientation. Most people, however, incorporate autosexuality into a larger sexual repertoire that also includes being turned on by partnered sex.”
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If you have someone in your life who identifies as autosexual, don’t dismiss them or think of autosexuality under the umbrella of narcissism or selfishness, Jones says. Instead, acknowledge the validity of their sexual identity.
For partners, remember that their autosexuality is not an insult or attack against you. It doesn’t mean they are not sexually attracted to you or don’t want to have sex with you, Jones says, but instead that you may need to keep an open mind and understand that your sexual relationship with an autosexual partner may look a little different from what you’re used to and your ways of pleasuring each other may also be a little different.
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This might mean wearing sexy lingerie, even if your partner hardly gives it a second glance. It could mean doing your hair and makeup so that you feel good and turned on, even when you’ve been in a long-term monogamous relationship and the other party hardly notices. It could mean washing lovingly in the bath and genuinely enjoying your body. It could mean dancing in the mirror in a cute outfit. If feeling sexy independent of someone else has ever turned you on, that’s autosexuality, and it’s normal.
Like all things, it’s on a spectrum, as White explains. You can be in a romantic relationship with someone else but still find it easier to be turned on with yourself, she adds. You might also have sexual feelings triggered by thoughts, images, or sexual fantasies involving yourself. Or you might feel naturally turned on by looking at yourself in the mirror or fantasizing about yourself naked.
If you enjoy watching yourself have sex or are attracted to people who look like you, those could also be signs you’re autosexual, according to Jones.
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Autosexuality is often associated with narcissism, but experts agree that’s not an accurate way of thinking about autosexuality. “This is not the same as narcissistic personality disorder, as narcissists require admiration and attention from others and lack empathy,” White explains. Instead, “ people who identify as autosexual are able to have relationships with others but have a preference for sex with themselves.”
” Many folks resist autosexuality, fearing that it’s narcissistic or might detract from partnered sex. In reality, autosexuality can be a healthy, even valuable part of your sex life, explains Megwyn White, director of education for Satisfyer. Embrace loving yourself! Embrace turning yourself on!
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When we know how to turn ourselves on, we depend less on environmental cues to move us into a sensual headspace. When we look at or fantasize about ourselves, we are in touch with our bodies and senses. Getting turned on by oneself does not mean you think you’re better than other people, that you’re selfish, or that you’re not attracted to your partner(s). Rather, it’s one additional tool in your box for sparking desire and passion.
It takes us into a comfortable, relaxed space when we find our sexuality to be attractive. We are sensual beings, so depending on our sensuality instead of relying solely on others to turn us on has profound power. It takes the pressure off of partnered sex, and it brings so much pleasure to our time, ehem, alone. Wherever you land on the spectrum of autosexuality, none of it is wrong. Enjoy yourself, literally.
Need more info, Health got ya! Click here to get more details on autosexuality. Web MD is another great source to visit.
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The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that BeautyLeeBar, LLC (“Hello Beauties”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. You understand and agree that BeautyLeeBar shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.
If there’s one way to celebrate the end of a workweek, the end of 2020 (finally), and the beginning of the holiday season, I’ll say it’s probably an orgasm. But I’m not talking about any orgasm—I’m talking about the incomparable, fireworks-worthy orgasm you receive during oral sex (or the mind-blowing experience of giving it to someone—now that’s magical).
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Oral sex is a concept most of us have a pretty good handle on. You know, mouths, genitals. It’s not all that complicated. For a long time, I stood by the “You either love it, or you hate it” model. Some people have joyously outrageous orgasms through oral sex, and others aren’t all that into it. And while I think it’s normal and OK to not be into it (or any part of sex, of course), there are a lot of people out there who write off oral sex because they haven’t tried it in a way that makes them feel comfortable, confident, and pleasured. Below, are interesting oral positions to try with your partner if you are new to the oral game. Or if you are an oral-lover, still check out these oral positions, maybe there is one that you and your partner want to try to spice things up a little bit.
A few things to note:
Don’t like oral sex? No problem, try creating a sex bucket list whether you are single or not. 🙂
No matter how you have sex, sex is sex—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
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1. Lying on your stomach
This one lets you touch yourself while your partner uses their mouth on you. Lie on your stomach with your hips slightly arched and your legs spread about just a bit. Your partner is able to go at your from behind, but you’re still comfortably laying down, making this a little different from your typical doggy style.
2. Face-sitting
Both you and your partner can do this one regardless of if they have a penis or vagina. If your partner has a penis, just make sure that they are sitting at an angle so they can enter your mouth without suffocating you, of course. You can face your partner so you have the view of looking at them (and touching them if you’d like), or you can face the opposite way and put the focus all on them pleasuring you.
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3. Standing
This is another easy one to try regardless of your partners’ genitalia. This is a pretty common position if your partner has a penis, but much less so for partners with vaginas. If you have a vagina or your partner does, stand with your legs slightly apart, pushing your pelvis out. It might be easier to lean up against a wall or a table to hold your balance. Another great way to try this one is in the shower!
4. Upside-down Head Over the Bed
I’ve also seen this labeled “giraffe style,” which I absolutely love. Lay on your back with your head over the edge of the bed and tilt back so your upside down. This can be done with a partner who has a vagina or penis, but it’s probably easier with a penis just based on the angle and the penis size. Your partner will enter your mouth from a totally different way than normal, and the view is extra hot.
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5. Legs around the head
This one is much easier for giving oral sex to a person with a vagina, but it’s not impossible if your partner has a penis. Simply lay back, and after your partner’s head is in your crotch region, you’ll wrap your legs around them. Don’t suffocate them, of course, but loosely wrap your legs around. Your partner can keep touching you or hold onto your legs from the outside.
One variation of this position is often called the “68.” One person lays down on their back while the other lays on their back on top of their partner, wrapping their legs around them with their crotch in their face. You two will be much closer this way, and it’s basically the lazy lovers’ version of 69.
6. Sitting down
We love a good sitting position here because it’s an easy, applicable way to spin off your usual laying-down positions without having to grab your Kama Sutra book either. You can play this up in tons of ways. Maybe you’re sitting on the kitchen counter, maybe you’re in a desk chair, maybe you’re at the edge of the bed. This is a common position for giving oral sex to people with penises, but it’s a little less common for eating out—which is exactly why you should try it ASAP.
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7. 69, But Spooning
Aside from the joking territory surrounding 69, you might not realize just how good of an oral sex position it can be. While laying on top of each other is all fun and nice, try spicing it up by doing it from a spooning position laying down on your sides. You both lay on the opposite sides, and go at each other from the side. If you have different genitalia, it might be easier to situate the person with a vagina first as you’ll likely need to prop your leg up a bit or get closer to your partner, whereas it’s a little easier if they have a vagina. You’ll be super close, and going at each other from this different angle might even help you find some new spots each of you likes. Orgasms for all!
Dating during quarantineis an entirely new ball game. For most of us, we’re used to chatting for a couple of days (or weeks) and then meeting up for a first date. That’s not the case while we practice social distancing—we’re now forced to spend time truly getting to know someone, whether it’s through long phone calls or Zoom/virtual dates. Slowing down before we meet someone is not necessarily a bad thing. While these tactics are all regarding to new flings and love interests, what about the ex-hookups who are still lingering in our life and are now circling back while everyone is bored and craving attention in the bedroom?
Do we give in to the digital sex? Our best friend ” heartbreak coach ” would most likely say no and to stand our ground (rightfully so), but today we’re offering a different view and siding with the motto of doing what makes us feel good at the moment. There’s enough negativity in the world right now, so if a little FaceTime sex lifts the spirit and releases sexual tension, go for it—we’re all for being easy on ourselves during this challenging time.
Below we’re exploring the world of FaceTime sex and why you shouldn’t be ashamed to partake in the fun (if it interests you)—even if it’s with an old flame who has found a way back into your text messages.
First and foremost, it’s not for everyone—only participate if you feel completely comfortable and trust the person.
Bottom line: we’re all going stir crazy and insanely horny. If you’ve never had FaceTime sex pre-quarantine but are on a dry streak and looking for some steamy action, now could be the time to explore. Here are some pointers to keep in mind.
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1. Set the mood: lighting is everything. Turn on a dim lamp or light a candle by your bedside. You can even take it to the next level and buy a ring light to enhance the digital night.
2. Wear your favorite lingerie set: this is optional obviously, but that said, it’s always nice to put on something that makes you feel super confident.
3. Loosen up: don’t think too much into it. Let your body and voice go with the flow. It can be awkward at first, but once you get in the groove, you’ll be on your way to the big O.
4. Use toys and lube: put your vibrator to good use and let your partner watch you play with it. Or for a more PG version, you can just describe what you’re doing with the device if you’re not comfortable giving a visual. You might be thinking, “But what if he/she screenshots during the experience?” If you both are truly giving it your all, your hands and mind are pretty tied up, and it’d be difficult to capture a screenshot. Be smart about it though.
5. Get vocal: express what you want to see or what you wish your partner was doing to you if you were together. Above all, make it playful and have fun with the virtual edition of having sex.
BeautyLeeBar Edit: Bedroom Essentials
Tell us how the corona virus crisis has affected a relationship or your experience living alone
BeautyLeeBar would like to hear from you. How has social distancing changed your relationship with a romantic partner, friend or family member? Have you started a new relationship? Are you quarantined at home with an ex or amid a divorce? If you or someone you know has contracted the corona virus, how has that affected a relationship? What is living alone like right now?
The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that Hello Beauties, LLC (“BeautyLeeBar”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. You understand and agree that BeautyLeeBar shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.
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