Tag: relationships guide

What Type of  EX ARE YOU?

Published on by LeeLeave a comment

Breakups come with a boatload of mixed feelings, from sadness to acceptance and in some cases even a sense of relief. No matter how you slice it, the end of a relationship is a time to reflect, reset your needs, and home in on finding your true happiness. How you perceive the breakup will also set the stage for the type of ex you’ll become. Will you hold a grudge? Will you let go and be able to remain friends? Ahead, we’re highlighting the common types of exes. Read on to find out which one fits your (ex) relationship situation.

The Friend

In this case, the breakup was most likely mutual. Maybe you both decided the relationship just wasn’t fulfilling, or a reasonable amount of time has passed to where you no longer harvest pain, negative feelings, or even memories. Being able to rebuild your friendship is the best-case scenario.

The Ghost

Everyone handles the end of a relationship differently. In this case, you may just feel like disappearing completely. Maybe your ex has moved on faster than you expected, or you love the idea of “out of sight, out of mind.” Regardless, you can run from a situation, but the pain will still be there when you get back.

The Over-analyzer

If you find yourself always replaying conversations and memories in your head, losing sleep rehashing things you or your ex could have done better, you may be an over-analyzer. The most important part of moving on is acceptance, so if you’re always anxious about what could have been, you may never move on. Trust that what’s meant for you will always find its way back, and leave it at that.

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The Lesson Learner

No two people are going to view their relationship the same, and that applies to a breakup as well. You’ve probably taken bits and pieces of the relationship and learned from them. Whether it’s mistakes or highlights, you try to view everything as a learning experience. In hindsight, you could’ve also taught your ex things they may carry into every relationship they may have.

The One That Got Away Mindset

This doesn’t always happen, but in many cases, you or your ex may regret how things ended. Whether it takes a new relationship to miss the previous one, or you both just needed space, you’ll never forget the love you had for each other. Maybe things didn’t end how you wanted, but you always hold hope you’ll find your way back to each other.

The Angry Mood

Being the angry, spiteful ex will drain you more than anything. Maybe you’re in pain, or you can’t stand the thought of your ex being happy without you, but a vindictive person will drown in their negativity. You will never be happy if you wish upon someone else’s downfall. Take the hurt and grow from it.

The Team Player

A team player is someone who may feel like they’re not strong enough to do life on their own without co-depending on another person. You may feel like you need them to reach your goals or success. Maybe you’re used to having someone constantly cheering you on, but at the end of the day, the only person you have to rely on is yourself. Whether you’re in a relationship or not, you cannot reach any type of success without having that faith in yourself. Give yourself the validation you need.

Mikayla Hunt is editor-in-chief of PopGabble.com, featuring topics such as lifestyle, interviews, wellness, and fashion. In the last six years, she’s done extensive editorial work with major publications all over the country and currently works with brands in content creation. Mikayla’s work reflects her deep passion for words, people, and finding joy in every waking moment. Follow her on Instagram @_mikaylahunt_.

ARE THESE RED FLAGS Hiding in Your Relationship?

Published on by LeeLeave a comment

Think of red flags in relationships like being “written up” at school or work. Being written up is not always a fireable offense, but it is something to pay attention to and course correct for a successful, productive experience. In the same way, not all red flags in a relationship mean you need to leave your partner and re-download a dating app. Identifying red flags, however, is a very useful tool for creating and maintaining a healthy relationship.

So, what are red flags in relationships, and how do we look for them? No worries, you don’t need to consult Google for this one. Let’s take this quiz and see what’s up in your relationship.

*Does your partner bring you joy?

Yes or No

Most of us have hobbies, interests, and activities that bring us joy and make our lives feel purposeful, fun, and worth sharing. The more joy we have, the more joy we have to bring into our relationships. For example, going to cycling classes makes me feel strong and happy and relieves my anxiety. When I come home to my partner after a good cycling class, I am more likely to let my happiness spill into my interactions with him, adding to the quality of our connection. SoulCycle for the win.

On the other hand, if I’m not intentional about participating in activities that add to my quality of life, then I am less likely to have the joy to bring back to my relationships. What a buzzkill, right?

*Does your partner bring value to the relationship?

Yes or No

When you ask someone in a healthy relationship about their partner, I promise their response will never be, “They just exist around me and that’s enough.” People in healthy relationships add value to each other’s lives.

It’s 2020—we don’t have time to waste on relationships that don’t serve a purpose. For example, my partner is very logical, and I am very creative. I help him explore creativity in a way he hasn’t experienced before, and he keeps me grounded and logical when my emotions like to take me for a ride.

The best way to measure this in your relationship is by imagining life without your partner. What’s missing? What are they able to teach you or how do they support you?

*Does your partner support your individuality?

Yes or No

Adding value to your relationship is key to success, but it is hard to do if your relationship doesn’t include space for individuality. I’m sure we have all heard the phrase “opposites attract,” and to an extent, that’s true. But the catch is opposite personality types can’t exist in harmony unless they still get to entertain those opposite interests that brought them together in the first place.

When we aren’t allowed space to be different in our relationships, we may begin to lose touch with our identity and then begin resenting our partner for “robbing” that from us. So no, doing everything together doesn’t make you stronger; in fact, it may be adding unnecessary tension. Your “me time” is this love doctor’s prescription for this red flag.

*Does your partner admit fault?

Yes or No

Speaking of tension, nothing is more infuriating than dealing with a partner who can recognize the good and not the bad. Even the perfect partner for you is human and has flaws. And while contributing positivity to the relationship is important, being able to recognize fault and resurrect it is equally important.

Sure, my cycling classes help me bring joy home to my man, his diverse interests add value to my life, and he supports my love for sex education and tap dancing. But none of that matters if when he washes the white clothes with the dark clothes he can’t admit that he made a mistake.

Sounds silly? Of course, it does. But if he can’t admit something as simple as a laundry mishap, what other obstacles in your relationship will your partner not take accountability for, and how will that affect your quality of life?

*Does your partner speak your apology language?

Yes or No

Surely you’ve read all about Gary Chapman’s love languages and understanding who is the best match for you based on how you receive love. So now, you’re an expert on love languages. But what about apology languages?

Just like being with someone who speaks your love language is important to feel loved and celebrated by your partner, being with someone who speaks your apology language is important to feel valued and respected. Admitting fault is important and is a great first step, but some people need more than that. For example, if my partner upsets me, I need him to not only apologize but also resolve the initial problem. For example, if my partner truly did wash the whites and the darks together, it wouldn’t feel resolved unless he took initiative to undo his mistake.

Having a partner who can correct conflict with you in a way that you can receive as resolved brings us back to the importance of the first question. Lingering resentment takes away from the joy that can be poured into one another. Therefore, a partner who is willing to learn what “making things right” feels like for you is mandatory for a healthy relationship.

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Congratulations! You made it through the quiz. Did your relationship pass the test?

If you got mostly yeses, congratulations, it seems you have a solid foundation for a beautiful relationship! Keep up the good work.

If you got a mix of yeses and nos, no worries. Now you are aware of some things to communicate with your partner about and work on together.

If you got mostly nos, it doesn’t mean you need to ghost your partner, but this is a great call inward to address some of the red flags in your relationship and work on building a stronger foundation together using the above guidelines.

Red flags typically have a reputation for being warning signs to jump ship. But as we have seen throughout this quiz, red flags, when identified and addressed correctly, can be helpful tools to create a stronger bond.

What red flags are hiding in your relationship, and what will you do about them?

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Autumn Morris is a Certified Intimacy Educator who works to help curious humans connect love, sex, intimacy, and life in 2020. Kind of like Dr. Ruth meets TikTok.

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SOLID QUESTIONS TO ASK While You’re on a Date

Published on by LeeLeave a comment

Ahh dating. The conversation is always hit or miss. You vibe or you don’t, but regardless, you want to be prepared for what’s to come. Meaningful conversation is important and word vomit is avoidable. We steer clear of that at BeautyLeeBar. 

How do you ask? By reviewing (not memorizing) some of the questions below, and asking them to a potential partner-to-be. Take a look at these sets of questions you can ask if you need some tips for a successful date.

Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.

Ask These Questions to Make Him Think About It/You Later

There is a questionnaire that you can use that will significantly increase the chances that he’ll fall in love with you. Arthur Aron, a psychologist, used the 36 questions below in his study to make two people fall in love with each other. Sounds unconventional, right? We thought so too until we found out that these same questions by Aron were used in hundreds of different studies and worked.

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Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …“
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

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Tips for a SUCCESSFUL DATE

Published on by Lee3 Comments

Nerves get the best of us when it comes to going on a date. We overthink, try too hard, or fall into surface-level conversations because of the daunting idea of getting deep. What if I told you that getting deep with him on the first date makes a lasting impression? I’ve got some confidence-boosting advice for you before you go on your next night out. Read my curated tips below. 

Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.

Ask These Questions to Make Him Think About It/You Later

There is a questionnaire that you can use that will significantly increase the chances that he’ll fall in love with you. Arthur Aron, a psychologist, used the 36 questions below in his study to make two people fall in love with each other. Sounds unconventional, right? I thought so too until I found out that these same questions by Aron were used in hundreds of different studies and worked.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

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Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Avoid Saying These Words

You don’t have to analyze every word before you say it, but to avoid sounding insecure. Steer clear from saying:

Maybe …

A little …

I think so …

Remember shyness is cute. Uncertainty is far from attractive. Oh, and don’t say “literally…”

Be Decisive

When you’re on a date the other person will notice the little things. By no means am I saying hide who you are, but for goodness sake don’t take 23 minutes deciding what to eat on the menu. 

Give Him a Compliment

Men, as much as the next person, enjoy a compliment here and there too.

Leave a Little Mystery

Be vague with some answers to your questions. Don’t tell him every little detail; it’ll keep him wondering or wanting to know more.

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Leave Your Appearance As-Is, Once You’re on The Date

Leaving your date at the table while you go to the restroom to fix your makeup is perhaps customary for most women. Yes, taking your time to get ready and looking good on your date is always praised by men, but interrupting the flow of your Date to double-check your appearance is unnecessary. Don’t worry, you still look great honey.

Make Eye Contact

We have all been guilty of lacking some eye contact when we’re nervous. Take a moment to hype yourself up (in your mind) before you look him straight in the eyes. Trust me, if there’s a connection, you’ll feel it. 

Change How You View “The One”

When you let go of the false perspective that the next guy you go on a date is “the one,” you are also letting go of any expectations that you may have had for him. Leave no room for disappointment. Change your narrative. View the date as something as simple as getting to know someone new. 

Show Up As Yourself

It’s exhausting to try and be a person that you think might seem more attractive. Your date wants to get to know you, so stop trying to figure out what they “want.” Don’t force something that isn’t there. It’s okay if you’re not a match.

Make It Apparent That You Don’t Need Him, You Want Him

Change the need into a want. Again, perspective. How do you feel when someone shows you they are always available, versus someone who makes time for you in their schedule? 

If He Pays, Thank Him for Dinner

Having manners is always important, and he will tell his friends about the girl who did not say “thank you.” Don’t be her. 

Permit Yourself to End The Date

Period.

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