Tag: relationship

These Are the Conversations About Sex You Should Be Having With Your Partner

Published on by Lee6 Comments

From entertainment to advertising, we live in a culture where sex infiltrates many aspects of our lives. Although many of us might feel comfortable discussing the details of our sex lives over a few drinks with friends, sometimes it can be harder to talk about what we want in the bedroom with the person who really needs to know what we’re thinking.

Being able to communicate about physical intimacy is an important part of any relationship, and the only way to ensure that your sex life is satisfying for you both. If you haven’t already, these are the conversations that you need to have with your partner to get the most out of the sexual side of your relationship:

Your sexual history

Speaking of sexual health, this is a tricky but important topic that should always be discussed before having unprotected sex with someone new. Disclosing your STI status, checking that your partner has been tested recently, and clarifying whether either of you are having unprotected sex with anyone else is important steps in protecting your sexual health and making an informed decision about whether you should be using condoms.

What your boundaries are

We all have different limits when it comes to sexual play, and making sure that you and your partner are both comfortable is key to having enjoyable and fulfilling sex. You don’t need to be having 50 Shades-style sex to have conversations about what your boundaries are and what you feel happy doing — this can be a beneficial conversation for any couple, and give you an opportunity to express your likes and dislikes in the bedroom. If you are getting a little more experimental, then set out your expectations beforehand and remember to agree on a safe word.

What your kinks are (and how to explore them)

The things that turn us all on are complicated and immensely varied. It’s impossible to be able to expect your partner to know that you’ve always had a fantasy about firemen or all about your secret foot fetish, so if you want to enact your kinks, then this is a conversation that has to be had. Bringing up our innermost sexual fantasies can be nerve-wracking, so experts suggest introducing this via dirty talk, as part of a game, or by asking your partner about their kinks to ease you into sharing your own, according to Refinery29. Once you’ve shared your interests, then discuss how you can introduce these in a way that you will both enjoy, whether this is via roleplay, watching porn together that involves your kink, or engaging in safe and consensual BDSM.

What makes you orgasm

As much as television and movies would have us believe that the Big O is easy to achieve, most women find that their experience is slightly different. In fact, only 31-62 percent of women report “usually” orgasming during sex. Do something about this by talking to your partner about what positions are most likely to make you orgasm. You could also try masturbating in front of your partner, showing them the techniques that you use to make it happen. As well as demonstrating how to best get you off, you will likely also find that this is a great style of foreplay and that your partner loves seeing you turn yourself on.

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How often you like to have sex

Most couples will find that there is at least some mismatch in their sex drives, and being unable to communicate this to each other can lead to massive misunderstandings. If your partner is a physical touch person who experiences love and affection through touch, then they may feel rejected if you’re just not in the mood. Similarly, a partner who connects more via emotional intimacy may feel devalued if they feel that you’re only interested in having sex when they just want to talk about their day. Talk to your partner about how often you like to have sex, how you generally signal that you’re not feeling sexual, and how you signal that you’re interested in initiating physical intimacy.

What contraception you are using (or would like to use)

Because women shoulder most of the burden of pregnancy, contraception in a heterosexual relationship is often seen to be the responsibility of the female partner. However, this doesn’t have to be the case. If you are thinking about changing your choice of contraception, you can easily explore potential options as a couple. How do you both feel about long-term contraception methods, such as an IUD or a vasectomy? If you’re planning on having children in the next couple of years, would something more short-term be a better option? Do you have other sexual partners and would, therefore, feel more comfortable using condoms? Having these conversations with your significant other means that you can reach a decision about your sexual health that benefits you both.

SINGLE and HAPPY

Published on by LeeLeave a comment

If you’ve just ended a long relationship or you’ve been looking for Mr. Perfect for far too long, there’s no better place to be right now.

Reminder: you have to stop wondering what to do with your life or how to spend your free time. Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely, and it gives you endless possibilities for discovering new dimensions of life and improving yourself.

There’s a time to be dating, and there’s a time to be alone. That doesn’t have to mean loneliness. Being single is all about being free and being happy. Let’s find out why.

Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.

1. More me time

All this time that you used to dedicate to the thoughts of one particular man is now freed up and all yours. You can start new hobbies, focus on reading more, focus on your career goals, meet up with people that you haven’t seen recently, or just lie in bed and watch your favorite TV shows and relax all day, every day. Sounds like a great deal.

2. All decisions are in your hands

All couples can admit that, as a whole, they make most of their big decisions together. It’s not always nice having to agree on something just because your partner said so. You know the feeling … neglecting your needs and desires to satisfy your loved one is definitely not the best part of being in a relationship. So enjoy your freedom and make decisions on your own—no one is going to mumble about it.

3. No compromises

Relationships are built on compromises, and sometimes, there comes a time where you want to be free and not have to compromise with anyone. When you’re single, there’s no compromising about your love life, the way you spend your time, your hobbies, the people you see, where your finances go, and so on. You’re free to experience what you want.

4. Now’s the time … fill your passport

We all know traveling alone is an incredible experience, not to mention that, if you have a s/o, they’re not always going to want to come to all the places you want to go to. Problem solved. The best part of being single is that you can buy a ticket and go to any place in the world—and the only permission you need is your own.

For those of you recovering from a breakup, remember, you came to this world alone. At one point in your life, you never knew this person. So you can live without them and you will. And guess what? You will do just fine. Find your power, reach for life, and have fun again.
Dwelling on the past does not make space for the future. Sitting back and telling yourself “They really weren’t that bad” is the mind playing nasty tricks on you. If that happens, quickly call a friend and ask them to remind you of all the times you complained about your ex. That will help you squash that lie quickly.

I encourage you to find the courage to move on. A breakup creates space for something new. Let the newness of you in. Let whoever came to your life for a “reason” and “season” go. They have done their job. Now do your job and move on with the next exciting chapter of your life. Let the sunshine in.