I stand by that one of the best things you can do for your sex life, with or without a partner, is creating a sex bucket list. Having an ongoing list of everything you’d like to try or do sexually can help keep your sex life spicy and full of experiences you are interested in. If you’re getting started on a sex bucket list, start here. But if you’re ready to incorporate some new-and-improved additions or changes (I’m all for editing your bucket list as time goes on—what you wanted a few years ago is probably a little different from now!), these are my suggestions.
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Rearrange the furniture
We all know it’s a good practice to try sex outside of the bed or bedroom sometimes, but to switch it up, even more, you can move some furniture around to make your space work for you. Mirror play is one of the most underrated sex toys in the bedroom. If you have a full-length mirror or a vanity mirror in your bedroom or home somewhere, use it to your advantage. Move the mirror so that you and your partner can both see each other in it while you’re having sex. The view will turn you both on a little more, and it might spark some new ideas and positions to try.
Along with mirror play, you can also pull the couch out a little or move side tables and coffee tables to try different positions and moves throughout the house. You’re not confined to a few spaces when it comes to sex. Make it up as you go!
Try a new form of sexting
If you’ve long been turned off by sexting because you don’t like sharing naked photos or your dirty talk game is less than impressive (it’s a learned skill, I promise!), there are so many other ways to approach it that can completely boost your sex life. Even if you love sexting, you can try it in a few different ways to keep it new and interesting. Sending nudes and a little dirty talk are always an option, but a really fun way to try might be role-playing. Tell your partner exactly what would be happening if you were together. “You’re on the bed, I’m standing next to you. I start to undress, and you grab my hips.” It’s a little more work, but it plays it out like the two of you are together. Then, you can reenact this in the future!
I also love simple “I’m thinking about you” or “You look hot today” texts throughout the day. They’re safe for work but are a little, exciting way to get you excited.
Find your go-to sex toy
One of the most underrated items on our TEG sex bucket list is going to a sex shop with a partner. It might feel a little awkward, and you’ll probably giggle at first, but it’s a great way to see what intrigues or excites both of you when you set your mind to finding something that will benefit you together. That isn’t necessarily possible right now, so instead, you might find it helpful to begin searching for your go-to #1 favorite that you both enjoy using, together and alone. We have tons of guides on vibrators and sex toys for partners, but you might also enjoy talking it out, figuring out what you’d both like, and spending some time on a few different sites.
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Try to push your orgasms farther
So, you had an orgasm on your own. YAY! Next, you can focus on pushing them to go longer and maybe even have multiple at a time (the absolute dream). It might be easiest to try this alone first and then bring a partner in on the fun, but you can try it however is easiest for you. Orgasms tend to feel even better the longer you let your body relax and allow yourself to feel them. The next time you feel an orgasm coming on, try to keep it going instead of stopping whatever motion or toy you’re using. It might feel intense for a second, but it’ll lead to better, longer, and stronger orgasms over time.
Ask your partner questions
When you and your partner decide to engage in a conversation about fantasies and trying new things, make sure to ask them questions. Do they watch porn? What do they watch? What is their favorite color to see you wear? What’s their favorite position? Do they prefer sex in the bedroom or outside of the bedroom? This might seem a little juvenile, especially if you’ve been together for a while, but it’s a good practice to make sure you know more about what they want and like, and of course, they should reciprocate and ask you questions too. As cliche as it may seem, good sex life comes down to communication.
I say it all the time: “This is giving me anxiety.” What I often mean, however, is something slightly different: “This is stressing me out.” As someone who has actually been diagnosed with chronic anxiety, I should probably know better than to conflate the two. And yet, I know just in conversing with my friends and co-workers on a daily basis that among my generation, using the words “stress” and “anxiety” interchangeably has become the norm.
While it might seem like a matter of semantics, in reality, it’s a problematic habit. For one thing, using “anxiety” as a replacement term for “stress” diminishes the very real symptoms that those who suffer from anxiety have to negotiate on a daily basis. For another, it might prevent someone who has undiagnosed anxiety from seeking the correct kind of treatment because they can’t differentiate those symptoms from that of regular, day-to-day stress.
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Psychology Today
“Both stress and anxiety can bedevil anyone’s psychological and physical health,” says Heather Silvestri, PhD, a New York City–based psychologist. “However, while often related, they are distinct phenomena.” Below, she helps us clear up the difference between the two—and how to manage both.
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WHAT’S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ANXIETY AND STRESS?
Let’s start with stress, which typically refers to a situational experience. “It’s a physiological and psychological response to a stressor, which is often obvious and explicitly identified,” says Silvestri. A crazy day at work, a traffic jam, a looming presentation—these can all be sources of stress and can all cause your cortisol levels (also known as the “stress hormone”) to spike. You probably know the symptoms of stress pretty well: anything from sweaty palms to a racing heart to butterflies in your stomach.
But here’s the key thing about stress: When the source of your stress is resolved, those symptoms tend to go away. That’s not the case with anxiety.
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“With anxiety, the internal disquiet stubbornly persists, without heeding the actual conditions,” explains Silvestri. In other words, those who suffer from generalized anxiety experience those same stress-like symptoms on a chronic basis, no matter the external circumstances. That’s why anxiety often feels inexplicable or “out of proportion” to what’s going on in our lives.
“Stress responses are hard-wired into our nervous system because we need them to survive,” says Silvestri. “Anxiety can be seen as the lingering upheaval that doesn’t necessarily quiet down when the situation improves. In this way, anxiety is the horse that ran away from the stable.”
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WHY ARE THEY USED SO INTERCHANGEABLY?
Silvestri suspects a few factors, not the least of which is our current political landscape and the breakneck pace of the digital age—both valid sources of stress and fear. It’s our new norm, which certainly impacts the way we talk about it. “Our modern lexicon has absorbed this idea and it now trades in terms connoting fear, anxiety, and neurotic apprehension,” she says. “You might even go so far as to argue that there has been a glorification of internal unrest insofar as proclaiming, ‘I’m so stressed out!’ or ‘I’m freaking out!’ have a certain cache, as if such frenetic nervous system activity means someone is doing something important or notable.”
This, she says, has led to misuse of both terms, as well as a lapse in distinction between the two. “This is lamentable because stress and anxiety can be sources of substantial suffering, and they are best treated with nuance and precision about what they are and how they operate,” she adds. “Nowadays we also run the risk that someone may be delayed or miss out entirely on getting needed help because they mistake their clinically treatable anxiety disorder for a more normalized and watered-down idea of being ‘stressed out.'”
CAN ONE LEAD TO THE OTHER?
“Chronic stress can absolutely give way to anxiety,” says Silvestri. “We need rebound time to recover. When we experience chronic stress, we lose our ability to recover, and elevated physiological arousal becomes the new normal.” If you’re perpetually stressed, turning off that “switch” and finding relief becomes more difficult.
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That’s why with anxiety, we tend to scan for things that might be worrying us when there aren’t any obvious stressors at a given moment—kind of like a self-fulfilling prophecy. But the good news is that there are many ways to manage both chronic stress and generalized anxiety.
HOW CAN I NIP STRESS IN THE BUD?
Honestly, a lot of it is reflecting and figuring out what works for you. If you know that nothing clears your head like a sweaty jog, make time for that. If you notice that stress feels much more manageable when you get a good night’s sleep (as tends to be the case for most of us), be sure to get plenty of shut-eye when you know you’re about to be put in a stressful situation. Being both self-aware and proactive is key.
HOW DO I KNOW IF I HAVE ANXIETY, AND WHAT CAN I DO ABOUT IT?
“If someone continues to feel preoccupied after a stressor has resolved or if the course of the worry doesn’t really track external events, this can be a sign that something more significant than generic stress is going on,” says Silvestri. This recognition is the first step. “By acknowledging your anxiety, you can be more mindful of triggers and more purposeful about your choices,” she says.
Also, know that it’ll be much easier and more efficient to treat your anxiety if you can approach it with curiosity instead of judgment. Then, you can start to play around with different rituals to manage it: Silvestri suggests starting with common aids like yoga, mindfulness, and journaling. “Really, any activity of self-care that lends a sense of agency to your lifestyle,” she says, since anxiety can rob us of our sense of control.
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But if those initial steps aren’t offering any relief, then it’s probably time to seek help elsewhere. “For the first line treatment, I would recommend either cognitive behavioral or insight-oriented psychotherapy, depending on how interested someone is in delving into historical causes or sticking with a focus on symptoms, especially the triad of thoughts, feelings, behavior,” she says. You and your doctor or therapist can then discuss the best treatment plan for you.
Either way, know that you have options—and knowing the difference between stress and anxiety is a solid first step to feeling better.
Aromatherapy can help. There are some essential oils that have a calming effect, like lavender and bergamot. A diffuser is an easy way to use essential oils.
A bath is probably one of the best forms of self-care. This CBD soak also contains Epsom salt, pink Himalayan salt, calendula petals, and essential oils.
These supplements from Hum are formulated to help you stay calm and focused thanks to the adaptogenic plant, rhodiola. Take one capsule with food when you need it.
Add a teaspoon of this powder to your water before you go to bed, or whenever you need to de-stress. It contains magnesium and L-theanine to calm, improve move, and promote healthy digestion.
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This article is provided for informational purposes only and is not intended to be used in the place of advice of your physician or other medical professionals. You should always consult with your doctor or healthcare provider first with any health-related questions.
It’s easy to say something triggers us. “Triggered” is essentially a hashtag when it comes to our generation of colloquialisms these days, and it’s true, many things are triggering, especially with the widespread dispersal of information via social media. But not everyone is triggered by the same things. We are all shaped by our emotional responses and past traumas.
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Erica Spiegelman is an author, therapist, and addiction and wellness specialist who is familiar with how triggers work, including her own. She shared with us that learning to identify your triggers is an important skill, and even a tool to manage your emotional well-being. Understanding what can set us off into an unproductive spiral can help to eliminate what doesn’t serve us or allow us to be our best.
The hardest part is maintaining awareness when we find ourselves amid an emotional episode. These emotional responses can be incredibly physical, such as shortness of breath, panic attacks, nausea or indigestion, sweating, and more. Spiegelman tells us to “try and notice when you are triggered by paying attention to when you feel flooding of emotion and identify where you feel it in your body. For example, when someone triggers me, I usually feel it in my throat area.”
Spiegelman’s reaction is a lump in her throat, a typical but sometimes debilitating emotional response. “When most people feel triggered, they feel it in their stomach, throat, sweaty palms, or racing heart, or they may have trouble breathing. Identifying where in your body helps you recognize that you are triggered, and we then can begin to deal with it.”
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It’s a practice of mindfulness. Spiegelman encourages us to pause at the first feeling of sadness or anger and take five deep breaths as best we can, in through our nose, and out of our mouth. If we can, we should walk away from what we were doing, if only for a moment. “That way, we have time to gather our thoughts and decide how to proceed with this new information.” We have to thoughtfully communicate our way out of the response, even if that communication is within ourselves.
It’s not possible to avoid every situation that may emotionally trigger us, and that’s not the goal. We want to be aware of our triggers so that we can be emotionally sound in the face of real-life issues in the future, and to work through the issues, learn, and heal. Recognition is important to take actionable steps and develop our intuition. If we only learn to avoid triggers instead of acknowledging them, we will end up avoiding the real issues that trigger us, which becomes unhealthy suppression.
The goal is to protect our mental health, garner strength, and navigate through the muck of life with minimal collateral damage. We must protect our energy at all costs to be the best, most powerful, and productive version of ourselves, so we can serve our joy and others.
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The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that BeautyLeeBar, LLC is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. The opinions and content included in the article are the views of the interviewee only, and BeautyLeeBar does not endorse or recommend any such content or information, or any product or service mentioned in the article. You understand and agree that BeautyLeeBar shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.
30-something Black travelistas that will give you your entire life and then some.
The world is experiencing a major moment of social change right now in the fight against racial injustice, and many industries are realizing that there’s much more work to be done to amplify Black voices. Historically, the travel industry has been dominated by the perspectives of white males. In March 2018, National Geographicissued an apology for the way they had covered people of color in the United States and abroad since the publication’s founding, titled, “For Decades, Our Coverage Was Racist. To Rise Above Our Past, We Must Acknowledge It.” But with more people turning to the digital world and away from the printed one, apps like Instagram have given us a platform to share our voices and reflect our travel styles.
Women’s solo travelis one niche that we’ve seen greatly empowered by social media. But while Black travelers generate over $63 billion yearly for the travel industry, their voices are hardly reflected in marketing campaigns, press trips, bylines, or even social feeds. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg. If you love travel content, you should be diversifying your feeds with more Black content creators, and if you’re not sure where to start, here are some brilliant writers, poets, entrepreneurs, marketing gurus, and more who are changing the travel industry one country at a time.
Cabin fever has set in for travelistasand homebodies alike, and I think I speak for everyone when I say that getting fly out is at the top of our post-quarantine to-do list. Just when we thought our wanderlust couldn’t get any worse, our good sister and fashion entrepreneur Teanna Wiley inspired a thread of Black women traveling in luxury that is everything you didn’t know you needed to see today. Hit follow and let these ladies show you the world.
@TWILEYTM was created in 2016 by Teanna Wiley, born & raised in San Diego. Teanna Wiley started designing clothes because shopping was always dreadful for her, being petite & pretty tall, it was hard for her to find clothes that really flattered her shape & height, but could also make Twiley stand out in a crowd. What started off as a hobby, quickly turned into an amazing business opportunity for her. Spoiler alert: her images are beautiful and breathtaking. Her fashion is even more beautiful and well made.
First up is Nneya Richards, the writer of POPSUGAR content. Nneya is a travel writer, influencer, and on-air talent. She started her own blog, ‘N A Perfect World, in 2014 as a curated intersection of travel, food, fashion, and geopolitics inspired by the global-citizen lifestyle of the millennial. Like many of the ladies listed here, Nneya Richards is a cultural exchange advocate of a West Indian-American background. Follow her as she goes off the beaten path around the world giving you hot takes on everything from what it’s like to be Black while traveling to why it’s harder than you’d think to get a good gel manicure in Milan. When Nneya is not on the road, she live between her hometown of New York City and #nydolcevita in Italy.
Bria Celest is a full-time photographer, part-time traveler, author, and all-around foodie. Join Bria Celest on her adventures around the world. Her Instagram will give you serious vacation envy while educating EVERYONE on Black Lives Matter and other serious injustice issues. Bria Celest the Queen of Vacay, turned her ability to capture beautiful moments into a career in photography. Her work as a sought-after photographer afforded her the opportunity to travel the world while doing what she loved. Now, she’s sharing that love for travel and photography in two helpful e-books geared towards making globetrotting easier for others.
Francesca Murray of @onegrloneworld will give you serious vacation envy. This Cali girl has traveled to many countries throughout the world but has extensively focused on the Caribbean in the past few years, with her home base being the island of Martinique. After seeing a lack of Black faces in many Caribbean island promo videos, Francesca and her partner produced and shot their own! Francesca gives you island-living inspiration as well as secrets to her beautiful hair and glowing skin.
Folahan [fuh-lah-huhn] is a YouTuber who catered to helping her supporters flourish with natural hair care, traveling, and fashion. On Fola YouTube channel, her content consists of how-to’s, tips and tricks, hauls, reviews, vlogs, etc. Fola is determined to make sure her viewers all get this good ol’ info about understanding and caring for kinky/curly hair types, budget traveling, study abroad trips, traveling while black, bridging the African Diaspora, all while being….you guessed it, stylish.
Cinelli has traveled to over 40 countries and 10 individual carnivals all over the world, she shares her lifestyle and experiences through vlogs, photographs, and microblogging. Cinelliverse vlogs and blogs will delve into everything from style and beauty, to travel and carnival. Cinelli shares all her amazing travel, carnival, and lifestyle tips while still capturing the natural beauty of every destination.
Explore the world through the beautiful earth-tone-filtered lens of writer, photographer, and podcast host Nneka Julia. Her beautiful portraits of her travels are often accompanied by descriptive prose. Nneka also brings a lot of humor, relationship advice, and the art of reclaiming a woman’s wasted time with her signature “Waste His Time Wednesday” segments.
Marketing in the travel industry is often not size-inclusive, but award-winning writer and body-positive activist Annette Richmond is here to change that. She’s the creator of @fatgirlstraveling, an account that focuses on “Fat Activism through the Travel lens.” Follow Annette for some beautiful travel wanderlust and travel tips.
You may have seen TV host Oneika Raymond on the Travel Channel’s Big City, Little Budget and One Bag, and You’re Out. This multilingual globetrotter can teach you how to explore your favorite places on a shoestring budget and with solely one bag packed. Follow Oneika around the world with her growing family and special appearances by her adorable infant daughter, Kira.
Fashionable attorney Cynthia Andrew manages to find the most colorful backdrops in every place she visits. She also has an enviable wardrobe, and with major home renovations and twin boys on the way, Cynthia is a great follow for how to navigate major life moments while still on the go and looking fabulous!
Houston-based solo female travel blogger Ciara Johnson of @hey_ciara has been collecting stamps in her passport and inspiring other women to travel solo for years. Ciara has a refreshing candidness and shares her vulnerabilities while traveling with her followers. From how to save money for travel to the best apps to use for booking, she makes sure to not just show you where you want to go but also how to get there.
There’s something about the notion of a traveling poet that’s so romantic, and Bri Ari, the award-winning poet of @briyoumetravel, does not disappoint. Sometimes we even get a beautiful calligraphed glimpse into her notebook! Bri is also the creator of @buoyant.travel, a digital homage to Black travel with beautiful photos of Black people jet-setting since the advent of the commercial flight.
Travel writer Imani Bashir is a full-time ex-pat with her husband and adorable toddler son. (She actually lived in Wuhan at the start of the COVID-19 pandemic.) A global diversity advocate, Imani shares her perspective on being a Muslim Black woman abroad, pregnancy risk, and other women’s issues. Already teaching the next generation, Imani is also the author of Follow the Takeoff Toddler, a children’s book series that helps cement a love of travel in kids from an early age.
It’s hard to talk Black travel without talking about Travel Noire, the travel site, community, and app that was started by Zim Floresas an Instagram account highlighting Black people traveling. Zim sold Travel Noire in 2017, but you can still follow her adventures around the world and the new phase of her life via Instagram.
TEDx speaker Gabby Beckford took her first solo trip to Iceland at age 17 and never looked back. She mentors young travelers aid them in study-abroad opportunities, and of course, packs light, which, to Gabby, also means not bringing the baggage of your past on your journey ahead!
Lifestyle blogger and photographer Paola Mathé resides in Texas with her husband and child and is a frequent globetrotter. Her ability to see the beauty in every day and wanderlust vibes make her feed a constant source of inspiration for both destinations and decor.
Solo female travel creative and life coach Gloria Atanmo is even on Oprah’s radar! Yes, that’s right, she’s been featured in O magazine and has inspired countless women to make the leap out of their comfort zones, whatever that may be in life. Gloria also graces us with her amazing humor with a regular Nigerian comedy feature on her feed.
As a social strategist for The Creative Collective NYC, an agency that produces impactful multicultural storytelling, Skylar Marshai knows how to tell a memorable story through a photo. Her Instagram feed is a perfect curation of Skylar’s journey around the world that blends her loves of design and travel in a really soothing and visually stunning space.
When creating the blog and agency Black Travel Journey, Sidney Walker set out to make the face of travel more inclusive and diverse by curating some of the most beautiful images of Black travelers on the brand’s Instagram account. Black Travel Journey has expanded, and she’s done just that and more.
Travel breakouts are a real thing, so traveler Bianca Maxwell created the Skinary app, a health-tracking app for your skin that tracks your lifestyle, diet, and cleansing habits with daily selfies to figure out the cause of your breakouts. Bianca is definitely one to watch in the tech and travel spaces, and her skin happens to always look radiant as she shares her adventures.
Are you ever amazed with how perfectly some people can match their outfits to their surroundings? You’ll fall in love with stylist, traveler, and Amsterdam-based mom Maureen Powel’s feed. With frequent appearances from her daughter, you’ll have constant fodder for mom-and-me outfit inspo!
Alicia Tenise creates lifestyle content for the every-girl millennial traveling the world in search of the best food and drink. She also shares colorful fashion finds and her honest struggles with mental health. Wine enthusiasts: Alicia is with you and has recently started her WSET classes to be a certified wine enthusiast and a better wine writer!
After finishing her studies in graphics and marketing, Racheal wanted to make sure everyone had the most amount of information to incorporate travel into everyday life. Check out her feed for vlogs, tips, and simple hacks on packing, booking trips, saving money, and more to make traveling become more of a lifestyle rather than a luxury.
n 2018, Maryjane Byarm challenged herself to visit 100 countries in 365 days. Today, she’s surpassed 100 with no signs of stopping. Her love of travel stems from facing a dark period in her life in the US and wanting to leave. After going to visit her sister, a model living in China, Maryjane hit the road and didn’t stop.
Founder and CEO of Black travel group The Roaming Republic, Cassy Isabella has a knack for beautifully curated group trips that make everyone feel like an Instagram star. Follow her for her adventures with her travel collective and sign up for a trip!
Danasia lets us in on travel through her appreciation for urban landscapes and city architecture. Follow her feed for beautiful city snaps, wonderful restaurant recommendations, and Insta-worthy cafés.
Jessica Ufuoma couldn’t find much of a space for someone like her when googling travel tips, so she created one herself! She creates content for people who look like her, may need visas to travel, and have full-time jobs. She’s helping people travel better and smarter — think responsibly, ethically, sustainably, and with intention.
After leaving the United Kingdom, Angela set her sights on sunnier isles and made her home in Morocco, where she now works as a holistic therapist. She also creates holistic travel experiences for creatives. Follow Angela’s journey as she lives her best life in Morocco with newfound serenity.
Stephanie “She” Ifendu is a traveling photographer and creative director. Her passion for creating timeless images is only matched by her zest for exploring.
After living with lupus for over 15 years, former New Yorker Olivia’s curiosity led her to explore the outdoors and the wellness travel space. Incredibly, travel and her lifestyle brought her lupus into remission. It’s Olivia’s goal to normalize diversity in the outdoor and adventure spaces.
Barely have a budget to travel with? Mally has you covered. A “broke ass girl who loves to travel,” Mally shares with you how to travel and not wind up in debt or drain your savings. And you’ll laugh a lot along the way.
Fitness and nutrition guru Tameika Gentles loved exploring so much she created a separate account for it! On her travel account, she shares tips about eating right while on the road as well as health retreats.
Lọlá is an award-winning Nigerian photographer and travel writer based in Stockholm, Sweden. She’s the editor-in-chief for Slow Travel Stockholm and is a frequent contributor to National Geographic. Lola’s lens is unparalleled, with incredible portraits that render vivid portrayals of her subjects.
Every photo on British-born Onyi Moss’s feed is beautifully curated and editorialized. Follow her for beautiful travel images straight out of the pages of a high-fashion shoot that exude romantic luxurious glamour. And in true English rose form, lots and lots of florals.
Megan Milan captures the world in a elegant memerizing way. Megan is a professional model who is known for her print, commercial, and catalogue work. She has worked with several high profile clients such as Hennessy, Chevy, L’Oréal, Pantene, and WildnOut. She was also featured in Jet Mag. Megan Milan has created her own traveling agency called luxe.travelagency. Prior to moving to New York to pursue modeling, she attended Michigan State University for two years to study business marketing. She was born and raised in Detroit, Michigan. She would later split her time between there and New York.
We know at BeautyLeeBar that they are more incredible BLACK TRAVELERS that are doing amazing things in the world. However, the people on this list are the ones we do follow and get inspired by. If you think they are more beautiful black travellers that we should be following for even more black luxury inspiration, please comment down below.
WARNING: FOR THE NONE BLACK PEOPLE, TRY NOT TO GET OFFENDED BY THIS POST OR ANY OTHER POST THAT IS CELEBRATING AND UPLIFTING BLACK AND BROWN PEOPLE ESPECIALLY CELEBRATING BLACK WOMEN.
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