8 TIPS TO COMBAT STRESS + ANXIETY

I’ve battled with severe bouts of anxiety since I was a child. I won’t get into my life story spiel on that here today, but if you’d like to see a video or potentially even listen to a podcast episode about that, please comment below! I released my first audio download to test the waters on the idea of doing a podcast, so if you’re interested in that medium and want to hear my intimate answer to the frequently asked question “When/Will you ever be coming to YouTube again?”, subscribe to BeautyLeeBar.com for all the updates!!

What I’m sharing here in this post today is a collection of lessons and practices in no particular order that I’ve learned to put into practice over 20 years of battling with this mental health issue. I am 23 years young, just keep that in mind. I promise you that at least one of these 8 tools will help you help yourself and your mental health TODAY! I use all of them regularly, depending on what my mind and body need on any given day.

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Journal – Brain dumping your emotions, thoughts, and circumstances onto a piece of paper gets them out of your racing mind and onto something outside of yourself that you can digest and reflect on. It doesn’t have to make sense, doesn’t have to be intentional, but it has to flow out of you onto that paper. You can make sense of it and set intentions for yourself regarding what to do with it later. The simple act of doing it will usually provide an immediate sense of relief on its own.

Serving Others – Perspective and purpose is everything. Both can be found in serving others. When we’re drowning in our feels and stuck in a shitty season, it can be challenging to see the potential, opportunities, and blessings we have in our grasp. Being of service and helping others provides a great sense of positive purpose that can enlighten and evolve our perspectives and passions. 

Therapy – I struggled with therapy for a long ass time. I’ve talked and walked my way out of therapist’s offices since I was a kid, but boy oh boy, am I a prime candidate!

I didn’t want to feel crazy. I didn’t want to need therapy.

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So I successfully convinced countless therapists I was fiiine after just a couple of sessions. It wasn’t until my emotions got aggressively thrown out of whack when I decided to work in retail that I finally sought and consistently stick to the regular therapy I’ve needed for far too long. It’s something I look forward to every week. It’s like a verbal journaling session with some friendly professional guidance on the digestion and reflection part.

Support – A therapist is an important form of support because they’re completely unbiased to your situation and emotions… and they’re paid to listen. However, the people who love you are important to support tools to get comfortable uncomfortably leaning into when you’re in need. You may feel ashamed or embarrassed about what they’ll think of you or even feel that you don’t want to burden the people you care about with your shit. Those feelings come from a place of care and consideration for those people, which is something that I’d put good money on is reciprocated. They’ll more than likely want to be there for you in your moments of need. I forget to do this one a lot myself, but I’m lucky to have a friend that knows me better than myself some days and pushes me to lean in just when I need to.

Exercise – MOVE. YOUR. BODY. Endorphins are magical things!!! Sweat that anxiety out of your pores one mile or burpee or downward dog at a time. Actively moving your body works wonders for your mind. ALL THE TIME.

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Pray – Whether you’re praying to God or the universe or your loved ones passed or… the black space you see when you close your eyes, whatever works! And it works. Simply voicing your please’s and thank you’s is something we forget to do when we grow up and take the burden of life directly on our backs. Thank you for this and please help me with that. These are super simple sentences that make a big impact in making you feel like you can push gratitude and desires out of your mind and off of your shoulders alone.

Read – Knowledge is power. Educating myself in digestible tidbits daily has done wonders for my confidence and anxiety. Learning is a powerful tool for gaining perspective and inspiring passion and purpose. It’s also just a great temporary distraction from your own whirling thoughts!

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Just Fucking Cry – Self-explanatory. Sometimes, ya just gotta do it and when you give in to that moment, it can feel so good. I’m not a crier… unless I’m watching Forrest Gump, Irreplaceable You, Blue Is The Warmest Color, Freedom Writers, Moonlight, The Pursuit of Happyness, Pearl Harbor, The Boy in the Striped Pajamas, Fruitvale Station and Boys Don’t Cry. I’m a sucker for a heartbreaking/heartwarming story and usually, my tears come from empathy for others, but I don’t cry often for myself. I used to. Then life happens and you get used to sucking it up and moving forward, but sometimes that bottles something up that needs releasing. If that anxiety has you stuck, it’s usually a good time to let the waterworks flow for a hot minute. Indulge in it and let it out.

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These obviously aren’t all of the ways you can relieve anxiety, but they’re mine and now, if any of them resonated with you, they’re yours! They’re simple, you don’t need a prescription for any of ‘em and you can practice them anytime, anywhere. It’s good to have a few of these tools in your back pocket at all times because as I’m sure you already know if you’re reading this, anxiety can be one unpredictable witch!

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7 Oral Sex Positions to Try This Weekend

If there’s one way to celebrate the end of a workweek, the end of 2020 (finally), and the beginning of the holiday season, I’ll say it’s probably an orgasm. But I’m not talking about any orgasm—I’m talking about the incomparable, fireworks-worthy orgasm you receive during oral sex (or the mind-blowing experience of giving it to someone—now that’s magical). 

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Oral sex is a concept most of us have a pretty good handle on. You know, mouths, genitals. It’s not all that complicated. For a long time, I stood by the “You either love it, or you hate it” model. Some people have joyously outrageous orgasms through oral sex, and others aren’t all that into it. And while I think it’s normal and OK to not be into it (or any part of sex, of course), there are a lot of people out there who write off oral sex because they haven’t tried it in a way that makes them feel comfortable, confident, and pleasured. Below, are interesting oral positions to try with your partner if you are new to the oral game. Or if you are an oral-lover, still check out these oral positions, maybe there is one that you and your partner want to try to spice things up a little bit. 

A few things to note:

  • Don’t like oral sex? No problem, try creating a sex bucket list whether you are single or not. 🙂 
  • Your partner doesn’t like oral sex? Here’s how to talk to them.
  • No matter how you have sex, sex is sex—don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. 
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1. Lying on your stomach 

This one lets you touch yourself while your partner uses their mouth on you. Lie on your stomach with your hips slightly arched and your legs spread about just a bit. Your partner is able to go at your from behind, but you’re still comfortably laying down, making this a little different from your typical doggy style.

2. Face-sitting

Both you and your partner can do this one regardless of if they have a penis or vagina. If your partner has a penis, just make sure that they are sitting at an angle so they can enter your mouth without suffocating you, of course. You can face your partner so you have the view of looking at them (and touching them if you’d like), or you can face the opposite way and put the focus all on them pleasuring you.

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3. Standing

This is another easy one to try regardless of your partners’ genitalia. This is a pretty common position if your partner has a penis, but much less so for partners with vaginas. If you have a vagina or your partner does, stand with your legs slightly apart, pushing your pelvis out. It might be easier to lean up against a wall or a table to hold your balance. Another great way to try this one is in the shower!

4. Upside-down Head Over the Bed

I’ve also seen this labeled “giraffe style,” which I absolutely love. Lay on your back with your head over the edge of the bed and tilt back so your upside down. This can be done with a partner who has a vagina or penis, but it’s probably easier with a penis just based on the angle and the penis size. Your partner will enter your mouth from a totally different way than normal, and the view is extra hot. 

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5. Legs around the head

This one is much easier for giving oral sex to a person with a vagina, but it’s not impossible if your partner has a penis. Simply lay back, and after your partner’s head is in your crotch region, you’ll wrap your legs around them. Don’t suffocate them, of course, but loosely wrap your legs around. Your partner can keep touching you or hold onto your legs from the outside.

One variation of this position is often called the “68.” One person lays down on their back while the other lays on their back on top of their partner, wrapping their legs around them with their crotch in their face. You two will be much closer this way, and it’s basically the lazy lovers’ version of 69. 

6. Sitting down

We love a good sitting position here because it’s an easy, applicable way to spin off your usual laying-down positions without having to grab your Kama Sutra book either. You can play this up in tons of ways. Maybe you’re sitting on the kitchen counter, maybe you’re in a desk chair, maybe you’re at the edge of the bed. This is a common position for giving oral sex to people with penises, but it’s a little less common for eating out—which is exactly why you should try it ASAP. 

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7. 69, But Spooning

Aside from the joking territory surrounding 69, you might not realize just how good of an oral sex position it can be. While laying on top of each other is all fun and nice, try spicing it up by doing it from a spooning position laying down on your sides. You both lay on the opposite sides, and go at each other from the side. If you have different genitalia, it might be easier to situate the person with a vagina first as you’ll likely need to prop your leg up a bit or get closer to your partner, whereas it’s a little easier if they have a vagina. You’ll be super close, and going at each other from this different angle might even help you find some new spots each of you likes. Orgasms for all!

5 “Meh” Beauty Products You Really Don’t Need in Your Routine

As a beauty editor, I spend a lot of time telling you about the stuff you need. You know, the game-changing lotions and potions that will smooth your skin, give you shiny hair, make your hands hella soft, and a whole host of other beauty wish list items. But today, I’m coming at you with a cold, hard fact you might not be ready to hear. Here’s the truth: Mediocrity abounds in the beauty industry. That’s right. So much of the stuff out there marketed as miracle workers don’t do much at all. 

As you can imagine, I get an up-close, firsthand look at the ploys and truth-stretching that takes place, but as a consumer, I’m sure you’ve also had your suspicions. If I’m being totally honest, there are too many products that fall short of their trumped-up claims to even count. I suppose that’s not the most terrible thing—it offers choices and opportunities to indulge in the extras in the name of self-care—but if you’re anything like me, pointless products take up valuable vanity real estate I’d much rather reserve for products that will help me look and feel my best. 

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Of course, it’s true that carrying out prolonged skin, hair, and makeup regimens can be super relaxing and, on the whole, can make us look and feel fab, even if only temporarily. I’m not disputing that at all. But when it comes down to it, there are some beauty products that, on their own, are just mediocre. I sure hope this is a safe space because I’m about to put it all on the line to share five beauty products you can absolutely skip and still be a Megan Thee Stallion-level hot girl. (Okay, maybe not Megan level—she’s in a league of her own.) Without further ado, scroll on for the five mediocre beauty products you can skip and five great ones to hold onto.

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Skip: Essence

Keep: Chemical Exfoliator

Paula's Choice Skin Perfecting 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant

Paula’s Choice Skin Perfecting 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant ($30)

Let’s face it: Essence is extra. The charged liquids are heavily featured in K-beauty skincare lines and are said to hydrate and rebalance the skin and essentially prime it for moisturizer. But if your routine is already stacked with serums and moisturizers that leave your skin feeling adequately hydrated, this is a step you can skip without consequence. If you’re looking for a liquid to swipe over your face that will actually make a discernable difference, reach for a good chemical exfoliator to boost your glow by keeping dead skin cells at bay. Makeup artists swear by prepping the skin with gentle versions of these liquids for the most flawless application.

MORE FACE:

Pixi Glow Tonic

Pixi Glow Tonic ($18)

Moon Juice Acid Potion Resurfacing Exfoliator

Moon Juice Acid Potion Resurfacing Exfoliator ($42)

Skip: Two-in-One Shampoo and Conditioner

Keep: Hydrating Shampoo

Davines Momo Shampoo

Davines Momo Shampoo ($29)

I’m all about saving time and shower space, but not at the expense of my hair. That’s why I’ve taken a pretty firm stance against products that combine shampoo and conditioner in the same bottle. I’ve been known to carry out the occasional conditioner-only rinse—known in the curly hair community as a co-wash—to keep my hair from drying out, but beyond that, shampooing and conditioning my hair happens in two very separate steps. I’m sure two-in-one hair cleansers can get the job done when you’re in a pinch, but the product buildup situation just isn’t worth it in my opinion. I even learned from a dermatologist recently that decoupling shampoo and conditioner is essential for combatting some inflammatory scalp issues. Hydrating shampoos like this famous Davines one help to infuse nutrients into the hair without weighing it down as certain shampoo and conditioner hybrids can.

MORE HAIR:

Function Beauty Hair Customizable

SheaMoisture Manuka Honey & Yogurt Hydrate + Repair Shampoo

SheaMoisture Manuka Honey & Yogurt Hydrate + Repair Shampoo ($12)

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Skip: Sheet Mask

Keep: Serum

SkinCeuticals C E Ferulic

SkinCeuticals C E Ferulic ($166)

My love of sheet masks is well documented, which is why it truly pains me to acknowledge their endless online scrutiny. (Skincare Twitter is a brutal place!) In all honesty, the thing I love most about these cloth or hydrogel face coverings is that you can’t really walk around while you wear them, so in essence, they force you to sit still and fully indulge in the act of boosting your skin’s hydration. While I’ve seen the plumping effect of these masks firsthand, I’m woman enough to admit that dropping them from my routine wouldn’t be detrimental to my skin in the slightest. Reaching for my favorite serums with hydrating, plumping, brightening, and tightening ingredients (the same stuff these masks are soaked in) is totally sufficient. And between us, I’m keeping my sheet masks on hand for those days I just need a little luxuriating. 

MORE SERUMS:

The Ordinary Hyaluronic Acid 2% + B5

The Ordinary Hyaluronic Acid 2% + B5 ($7)

TruSkin Vitamin C Serum

TruSkin Vitamin C Serum ($20)

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Skip: Foot Cream

Keep: Body Butter

Kiehl's Creme de Corps Soy Milk & Honey Whipped Body Butter

Kiehl’s Creme de Corps Soy Milk & Honey Whipped Body Butter ($40)

Yes, feet have entered the chat. This topic isn’t at all glamorous, but footcare is important, too! The only thing worse than dry, cracked heels is investing in a special cream that doesn’t work any better than the thick body butter you already use on your other body parts. As with any skincare woe, smothering creams or oils over dead skin is pointless, so keeping the thick skin on our feet exfoliated is a good start for making sure any product is able to do more than just sit on the surface. Real ones know about the disgusting satisfaction of the Baby Foot Exfoliation Foot Peel ($25), but of course, if you’re experiencing foot dryness that’s severe or concerning, be sure to check in with a trusted healthcare professional.

MORE BODY CARE

Soap & Glory The Righteous Butter

Soap & Glory The Righteous Butter ( $15) $11

Sol de Janeiro Brazilian Bum Bum Cream

Sol de Janeiro Brazilian Bum Bum Cream ($45)

Skip: Shaving Cream

Keep: Inexpensive Hair Conditioner

FUNCTION OF BEAUTY Take the hair quiz and get yours today!

Shaving cream does its job just fine, but it’s just not the only product that adequately softens and conditions hair ahead of shaving. Hair conditioner, a product most people already have readily available in their showers, also gets the job done. The day I learned conditioner was the perfect substitute for the thick, mousse-like cream I’d been beholden to since the day my mom armed me with my first razor, I stopped buying shaving cream and haven’t looked back. (This happened by accident, by the way.) I like to use Nair Hair Removal Aloe Lotion ($5), it is more gentle than using a razor which causes irritation to skin. But, if I’m ever out of that, I reach for conditioner without a second thought. This hack has come in especially handy for those conditioners I’ve purchased only to discover they don’t agree with my hair. Rather than tossing them in the trash, I instead repurpose them for shaving.

MORE PRIMP TOOLS:

CURLS Coconut CURLada Conditioner ( $10)

Dove Nutritive Solutions Oxygen Moisture Conditioner

Dove Nutritive Solutions Oxygen Moisture Conditioner ($4)

Herbal Essences Shine Collection Conditioner

Herbal Essences Shine Collection Conditioner ($6)

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How Seasonal Changes Can Affect Your Skin in the Fall and Winter

Have you ever noticed that as one season winds down and another ramps up, you suddenly start to experience skin concerns like dryness, dullness and acne? Changes in temperature, humidity levels and lifestyle habits often come with a change of season, and these elements can all affect your skin. 

Now that fall is here, we’re sharing three common skin concerns you might experience as the weather gets cold. Adjusting your skin-care routine so that you’re prepared for each can help ensure that your skin remains healthy and happy, no matter the season. 

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Dryness

Now that the air is dryer and the temperatures are cooler, it’s easy for skin to lose moisture, resulting in a dry, dehydrated and rough-textured complexion. To replenish hydration and help skin retain moisture, use a product that contains hyaluronic acid, like the Garnier Green Labs Hyalu-Melon Replumping Serum Cream, daily.  At night, use a thick, nourishing cream like the Vichy Aqualia Thermal Night Spa. If the air in your home is dry, consider investing in a humidifier.   

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Garnier Green Labs Hyalu-Melon Replumping Serum Cream – SPF 30

Breakouts

Just because summer is over doesn’t mean you can’t get breakouts. If your skin is dehydrated, it can overcompensate by producing excess sebum that can clog pores. To treat breakouts without dehydrating skin with harsh acne treatments, try a pimple patch. The Klog Soft Shield Pimple Patches help absorb impurities from breakouts and protect spots from bacteria so they can heal faster.

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THE KLOG Soft Shield Pimple Patch

Flushed Appearance

A sudden, drastic change in temperature can cause our skin’s capillaries to contract and become more visible on the surface. Redness can occur as a result. Keeping your skin moisturized and applying sunscreen can help protect against environmental aggressors. We also recommend incorporating a soothing product like the SkinCeuticals Phyto Corrective Gel into your routine. This serum hydrates and minimizes the appearance of discoloration throughout wear. 

how-seasonal-changes-can-affect-your-skin
PHYTO CORRECTIVE GELHydrating botanical gel
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