Tag: Lifestyle

LIFE HACK: Feelings Aren’t Facts

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Ah, feelings! Feelings are intense emotional responses we have all day every day. They are messengers; they give us valuable information so we can make decisions, understand ourselves and others, and get our needs met. 

Feelings naturally come and go if we give them space to exist, sort of like clouds passing through the sky. If we notice and accept our feelings and listen to the messages they’ve brought us, they will serve their purpose and we can use the information for our benefit.

However, we don’t want to over-identify our feelings. We want to accept our feelings and remember that they don’t define us. 

Notice the subtle, but important, the difference between feeling sad and being sad. When you start to think of yourself as a sad person (rather than a person who sometimes feels sad), you’re holding onto the feeling well beyond its usefulness. Your feelings are important, but they are only part of who you are. Feelings come and go.

Emotions are absorbed in the body in about six seconds.

Each burst of emotional chemicals, from the time it’s produced in the hypothalamus to the time it’s completely broken down and absorbed, lasts about six seconds, according to researcher Anabel Jensen.  

If we’re feeling something for longer than six seconds, we are—at some level—choosing to re-create and refuel those feelings. Sometimes that’s good—if the tiger is still chasing you, those fear chemicals are helping save your life.

Sometimes it’s not. But recognizing what emotion we are feeling, evaluating its purpose relative to our circumstances, and deciding whether to re-create it is what emotional intelligence is all about. I love to use acronyms to decide what feelings to hold on to and let go of. Here are my two favorites.

T.H.I.N.K.:

Hallmarks of overwhelming feelings include negative self-talk, reacting in the heat of the moment, over-explaining yourself, and obsessive attention to overanalyzing decisions. Before you act on your feelings, ask yourself the following:

Is it Truthful?

Is it Helpful?

Is it Insightful?

Is it Necessary?

Is it Kind?

R.A.I.N.:

R – Recognize what is happening

A – Allow life to be just as it is

I – Investigate inner experience with kindness

N – Non-identification

Recognizing means consciously acknowledging your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors.

Allowing means letting your thoughts, emotions, feelings, or sensations simply be there. You don’t have to change, fix, or act upon anything. Rather, you acknowledge and accept that psychological pain is a part of life.

Investigating means calling on your natural curiosity—the desire for truth—and directing focused attention to your present experience. Asking, “What is happening inside me?” can initiate recognition, but the investigation is a more intentional process.

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Natural loving awareness occurs when you don’t over-identify with your feelings. This practice of non-identification means that your sense of self is not fused with any limiting emotions, sensations, or stories. You are not your mind, and you are not your emotions.

Feelings and emotions can be contagious and spread too. Another tip is to be mindful of the energy and people that you surround yourself with. We are social creatures. And because of that, we tend to pick up on each other’s emotional states. 

Ultimately, feelings can guide us toward many paths that we get to choose! So make sure you stay aware and be curious. Being mindful of your feelings is key to making sure you see that your feelings are real and they can be fleeting.

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Erica Spiegelman is a wellness specialist, recovery counselor, and author of the new book The Rewired Life (2018) as well as Rewired: A Bold New Approach to Addiction & Recovery(2015), the Rewired Workbook (2017), the Rewired Coloring Book (2017), all published by Hatherleigh Press. Erica holds a bachelor’s degree in literature from the University of Arizona and is a California State Certified Drug and Alcohol Counselor (CADAC)-II from UCLA. For more information, visit Erica’s website or follow @Erica Spiegelman on Instagram.

The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that BeautyLeeBar, LLC (“Hello Beauties”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. The opinions and content included in the article are the views of the author only, and BeautyLeeBar does not endorse or recommend any such content or information, or any product or service mentioned in the article. You understand and agree that BeautyLeeBar shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

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Tips for a SUCCESSFUL DATE

Published on by Lee3 Comments

Nerves get the best of us when it comes to going on a date. We overthink, try too hard, or fall into surface-level conversations because of the daunting idea of getting deep. What if I told you that getting deep with him on the first date makes a lasting impression? I’ve got some confidence-boosting advice for you before you go on your next night out. Read my curated tips below. 

Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.

Ask These Questions to Make Him Think About It/You Later

There is a questionnaire that you can use that will significantly increase the chances that he’ll fall in love with you. Arthur Aron, a psychologist, used the 36 questions below in his study to make two people fall in love with each other. Sounds unconventional, right? I thought so too until I found out that these same questions by Aron were used in hundreds of different studies and worked.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

17. What is your most treasured memory?

18. What is your most terrible memory?

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

20. What does friendship mean to you?

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

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Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

Avoid Saying These Words

You don’t have to analyze every word before you say it, but to avoid sounding insecure. Steer clear from saying:

Maybe …

A little …

I think so …

Remember shyness is cute. Uncertainty is far from attractive. Oh, and don’t say “literally…”

Be Decisive

When you’re on a date the other person will notice the little things. By no means am I saying hide who you are, but for goodness sake don’t take 23 minutes deciding what to eat on the menu. 

Give Him a Compliment

Men, as much as the next person, enjoy a compliment here and there too.

Leave a Little Mystery

Be vague with some answers to your questions. Don’t tell him every little detail; it’ll keep him wondering or wanting to know more.

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Leave Your Appearance As-Is, Once You’re on The Date

Leaving your date at the table while you go to the restroom to fix your makeup is perhaps customary for most women. Yes, taking your time to get ready and looking good on your date is always praised by men, but interrupting the flow of your Date to double-check your appearance is unnecessary. Don’t worry, you still look great honey.

Make Eye Contact

We have all been guilty of lacking some eye contact when we’re nervous. Take a moment to hype yourself up (in your mind) before you look him straight in the eyes. Trust me, if there’s a connection, you’ll feel it. 

Change How You View “The One”

When you let go of the false perspective that the next guy you go on a date is “the one,” you are also letting go of any expectations that you may have had for him. Leave no room for disappointment. Change your narrative. View the date as something as simple as getting to know someone new. 

Show Up As Yourself

It’s exhausting to try and be a person that you think might seem more attractive. Your date wants to get to know you, so stop trying to figure out what they “want.” Don’t force something that isn’t there. It’s okay if you’re not a match.

Make It Apparent That You Don’t Need Him, You Want Him

Change the need into a want. Again, perspective. How do you feel when someone shows you they are always available, versus someone who makes time for you in their schedule? 

If He Pays, Thank Him for Dinner

Having manners is always important, and he will tell his friends about the girl who did not say “thank you.” Don’t be her. 

Permit Yourself to End The Date

Period.

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Woman on top sex position advice from men who share how to ride dick

Published on by LeeLeave a comment

Woman-on-top (or ‘Cowgirl’, or ‘The Rider’) is a classic sex position if you are a woman or have a vagina, and are sleeping with a man or someone with a penis (or someone wearing a strap-on). As most women and vagina-owners can’t orgasm through penetration alone, this position is great because you can get extra stimulation either through grinding your clitoris as you ride away, or manually stimulating your clit with your fingers/a partner’s fingers/a vibrator.

But, if you’re an over-thinker like me (this is amplified tenfold when naked and having sex), it’s hard to know exactly what to do when you’re up there. Do what feels good for you. But remember, the best sex happens when both partners are having the time of their lives. Here, some guys on Reddit give their tips for how to ride dick in a way that’s enjoyable for everyone involved. If you’re ever in doubt, remember the golden rule: talk about it and talk about it honestly and openly.

WOMAN ON TOP TIPS – HOW TO RIDE DICK, ACCORDING TO MEN

1. “I like when she gets on top and tries her best to make herself cum. It gets me so turned on to see her take command of her orgasmic destiny. This is also the most common way for my wife and me to cum together.” [via]

2. “Don’t bounce too high… speed isn’t always the best. Going slow. Also, getting the right angle is important. Ask which angle feels the best.” [via]

3. “Use my chest for leverage.” [via]

4. “Use your hips, not your legs. Also, getting into a squat, on your hands and feet, that’s extremely hot. And don’t forget to lean in and kiss us now and then.” [via]

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5. “This might be overly general advice because it goes for everyone in most sex positions, but keep an eye on [your partner’s] reactions to what you’re doing. Both noises and facial expressions. If a particular speed, rhythm, or angle is working for them you should be able to see it in their face and possibly hear it.” [via]

6 .”Press their hands to your boobs while grinding them. It’s really hot!” [via]

7. “While it feels really good for you to just grind your hips on them while they’re inside, they generally need some extra movement to build through friction for them to get off. Also, the further you bounce up the higher the risk you bend the penis wrong and kill the erection.” [via]

8. “No matter what you think you look like, you don’t need to be self-conscious. We are loving it, and we think you look hot as hell.” [via]

9. “Don’t be self-conscious about what you look like, but seeing you grind and moan is hot. We love that shit. Speaking of grinding, I love it when she grinds on my dick more so than thrusting.” [via]

10. “Focus on getting yourself off. We’re just glad to be there.” [via]

11. “Don’t be afraid to be a little selfish when you’re on top. This is a position where you have more control. Use it to your advantage. If you want them to feel good, but a little vertical movement to it and allow their hands to roam.” [via]

12. “If you are riding someone, don’t try to lift off so far that just the tip is in you. In my experience, it is really hard to maintain that stopping point when both of y’all really get into it. Try to just lift off half his length in your enthusiasm you’ll probably get most of the way off him but the chance of going too far is reduced.” [via]

13. “Your best bet is: communicate better about what you both want.” [via]

14. “The best cowgirl I’ve ever had came from a girl who could salsa. The best feeling comes from amazing hip control. Smooth, powerful, rhythmic movements.” [via]

15. “Get on. Close your eyes if you need to, just lose yourself, vibrate back and forth as I guide your hips, and gush all over my cock. Also, if you are struggling with maneuverability issues during your first times together, reverse cowgirl is a great interim step, both physically and psychologically since eye contact isn’t a factor.” [via]

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16. “You should also be honest with each other and not just yourself. Switching positions if you’re getting tired is better than carrying on until you literally can’t do it anymore and it just becomes a pathetic attempt to get to the finish line that fails miserably. We go from cowgirl to missionary, to sitting and back to cowgirl for the big finish. If you need a break, take one.” [via]

17. “If it’s uncomfortable or awkward for you chances are they’re not enjoying it. 50% of my pleasure comes from knowing my wife is having a good time and it’s easy to pick up when your partner isn’t enjoying it.” [via]

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Hot Sex Tips for WHEN YOU’RE ON TOP

Published on by Lee1 Comment

This one is for the women who love a good ride on top. If that’s you, then you know the position can be anything but boring if you have the right moves in your ~mental~ sex manual. You may be thinking, wait, I just hop on and grind? There’s nothing wrong with that, but if you’re looking to spice it up and surprise your partner, then buckle up because we have some hot AF pointers for you. Read on to learn our tips for increasing the steam while you’re enjoying things from the top.

We did a little crowdsourcing among the team and our friends for a variety of tricks to add to your next sexy night. All anonymous, of course.

We’ll start simple with a reminder that deep eye contact while you’re on top can enhance the moment. Gaze into his eyes and give him a soft and seductive smile while you’re at it.

Find your hips and get comfortable with moving them around—pop it, bounce, do it all.

If you enjoy clit stimulation (meep, who doesn’t), tell him to lick his thumb and play a little DJ action with his fingers while you’re on him.

Put your hands on his shoulders and arch your back a bit while you’re bouncing on top.

Slowly slide him ~almost~ all the way out of you and pause for a second while the tip is just barely in you and then slide back down. You can do this one while you’re facing him or in reverse cowgirl.

If your hair is down, play with it and flip it around while you put his hands on your hips or chest. Whatever you prefer.

While you’re riding, give a little nipple pinch or neck grab (choke), and it’ll give the man the sense of female dominance.

Put one of your hands on his chest and lean your boobs into his face. This is sure to get him wild.

Keep your thrusts popping—softly, but you’ll know it’s right if you get the perfect little booty bounce. It should feel like you’re perfecting a yoga move or the art of twerking.

If you’re comfortable with gently choking, have him softly choke you and arch your back while he’s doing it to take it to the next level.

Put his hands on your butt or hips and squeeze them so he tightens his grip.

Incorporate a safe lube to keep things juicy.

Try edging with him.

While you’re gyrating, rub your clit against his pelvis so you receive outer stimulation while he’s in you. You can also use your fingers (or his) to play with your clit while you’re on top.

Tease it out by sliding back and forth on him a few times before you let him enter you.

Ride him reverse or even sideways and then look back at him and make eye contact.

If you’re flexible, bend all the ways back and place your hands by his knees to the point where you’re almost lying flat. This will give him quite the view.

While you’re in reverse, extend your legs so your feet are by his head and then slightly arch your back while you’re grinding on him. (Again, if you’re flexible. No need to pull a muscle.)

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SHOP!

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