Modern dating is one of the single people circles of hell, and this is a hill we will die on. But since it’s a thing that many people do, us included, we thought we’d try to make the process a bit better by sharing some hard-won tips. Here, are seven things you’re probably forgetting before a date.
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3 good convo starters
Statistically speaking the conversation will, at some point, peter off into an awkward silence. Have a few things at the ready to help resuscitate it.
An easy out
In case those convo starters don’t work. Or your date brings up NFTs.
A razor
Raise your hand if you’re part of the “decided to forgo shaving before a date as a deterrent to sleeping with said date, but it didn’t stop you and now you’re in their bathroom using a questionable razor you found on the counter as quickly as possible, so they don’t think you’re pooping” crew. (JK, but not really.)
Tell someone where you are
Because ending up on an episode of Dateline is not the endgame here.
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A phone that’s not at 10 percent battery
A gentle reminder to charge your phone!
Focus on whether or not you like them
Not whether or not they like you.
Your chill
See above tip. Also, this is especially applicable on a first date—as clichéd as it is, try not to put so much pressure on the date.
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The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that BeautyLeeBar, LLC (“BLB”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. You understand and agree that BeautyLeeBar shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.
Ahh dating. The conversation is always hit or miss. You vibe or you don’t, but regardless, you want to be prepared for what’s to come. Meaningful conversation is important and word vomit is avoidable. We steer clear of that at BeautyLeeBar.
How do you ask? By reviewing (not memorizing) some of the questions below, and asking them to a potential partner-to-be. Take a look at these sets of questions you can ask if you need some tips for a successful date.
Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.
Ask These Questions to Make Him Think About It/You Later
There is a questionnaire that you can use that will significantly increase the chances that he’ll fall in love with you. Arthur Aron, a psychologist, used the 36 questions below in his study to make two people fall in love with each other. Sounds unconventional, right? We thought so too until we found out that these same questions by Aron were used in hundreds of different studies and worked.
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Set I 1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? 2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? 3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you’re going to say? Why? 4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? 5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? 6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? 7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? 8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. 9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? 10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? 11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. 12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II 13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know? 14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? 15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? 16. What do you value most in a friendship? 17. What is your most treasured memory? 18. What is your most terrible memory? 19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? 20. What does friendship mean to you? 21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? 22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. 23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? 24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
Set III 25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling …“ 26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “ 27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. 28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. 29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. 30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? 31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. 32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? 33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? 34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? 35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? 36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
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Nerves get the best of us when it comes to going on a date. We overthink, try too hard, or fall into surface-level conversations because of the daunting idea of getting deep. What if I told you that getting deep with him on the first date makes a lasting impression? I’ve got some confidence-boosting advice for you before you go on your next night out. Read my curated tips below.
Editor’s note: Although this article uses male pronouns, the advice applies to all sexual orientations and gender identities.
Ask These Questions to Make Him Think About It/You Later
There is a questionnaire that you can use that will significantly increase the chances that he’ll fall in love with you. Arthur Aron, a psychologist, used the 36 questions below in his study to make two people fall in love with each other. Sounds unconventional, right? I thought so too until I found out that these same questions by Aron were used in hundreds of different studies and worked.
Set I
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
Set II
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
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Set III
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect on how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
Avoid Saying These Words
You don’t have to analyze every word before you say it, but to avoid sounding insecure. Steer clear from saying:
Maybe …
A little …
I think so …
Remember shyness is cute. Uncertainty is far from attractive. Oh, and don’t say “literally…”
Be Decisive
When you’re on a date the other person will notice the little things. By no means am I saying hide who you are, but for goodness sake don’t take 23 minutes deciding what to eat on the menu.
Give Him a Compliment
Men, as much as the next person, enjoy a compliment here and there too.
Leave a Little Mystery
Be vague with some answers to your questions. Don’t tell him every little detail; it’ll keep him wondering or wanting to know more.
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Leave Your Appearance As-Is, Once You’re on The Date
Leaving your date at the table while you go to the restroom to fix your makeup is perhaps customary for most women. Yes, taking your time to get ready and looking good on your date is always praised by men, but interrupting the flow of your Date to double-check your appearance is unnecessary. Don’t worry, you still look great honey.
Make Eye Contact
We have all been guilty of lacking some eye contact when we’re nervous. Take a moment to hype yourself up (in your mind) before you look him straight in the eyes. Trust me, if there’s a connection, you’ll feel it.
Change How You View “The One”
When you let go of the false perspective that the next guy you go on a date is “the one,” you are also letting go of any expectations that you may have had for him. Leave no room for disappointment. Change your narrative. View the date as something as simple as getting to know someone new.
Show Up As Yourself
It’s exhausting to try and be a person that you think might seem more attractive. Your date wants to get to know you, so stop trying to figure out what they “want.” Don’t force something that isn’t there. It’s okay if you’re not a match.
Make It Apparent That You Don’t Need Him, You Want Him
Change the need into a want. Again, perspective. How do you feel when someone shows you they are always available, versus someone who makes time for you in their schedule?
If He Pays, Thank Him for Dinner
Having manners is always important, and he will tell his friends about the girl who did not say “thank you.” Don’t be her.
Everybody tells a story. By merely paying attention to body language, you can get your first clue as to if your potential match may go the distance. The way you move, react, and interact can send a signal about the way you are feeling at any given moment. But what about the way someone reacts to you? Is it possible to tell what someone is thinking about you simply by the way they move their body?
In the world of first dates and new relationships, the body language from either party can express more than the actual words themselves. As humans, we like to touch the things we like. We like to be physically close to people we like. Touch and sweet gestures can signal the beginning stages of a possible long-term connection with your date.
The most obvious form of body language that indicates your date is interested in you is touch. Touch is a great sign of interest. Placing a hand on the small of your back as you enter a restaurant speaks volumes. Reaching across the table and touching your hand for a quick second shows interest. Gestures and facial expressions can also add to the element of attraction. Direct eye contact during your date is also a good sign of someone liking you.
As a general rule, we like to be physically close to someone we feel a connection with. Being physically close to someone is a human craving, but the human connection needs to come first. One good way to tell if your date is feeling connected to you is to pay attention to the amount of physical space between you. We’ve all had those awkward encounters where your date maintains a 3-foot distance from you at all times. Or worse yet, your date walks 10 feet in front of you and leaves you in the dust. In these instances, it’s generally safe to say there is not a great connection between you.
To ensure your body language is received favorably, it’s important to be available. This means keep your hands on the table so they can be touched. Uncross your arms as you walk so your date can take your hand. Walk-in a relaxed and carefree posture and expect nothing. That way, if there is a reach for your hand, it’s comfortable and not forced. In other words, make yourself touchable (but not too touchable!).
Call me a hopeless romantic, or simply old-fashioned, but I think traditional roles should still be considered when making the first move on a date. When making the first move to hold hands or walk arm-in-arm, if you want to scrap tradition and go for it, you need to be equally ready to accept rejection if your date is not feeling the vibe.
To let your date know you are interested, a smile works wonders and also helps to ease the first date jitters. Eye contact goes a long way to promote interest, especially when done with a slight touch on the arm or hand across the table. Sitting across from your date rather than side by side at the table gives a better view of your body language. Oh, and leaning in to talk signals, “I like you.”
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Tense, ridged, and upright body language signals stress and straight-up anxiety, something no one wants to deal with, especially on a first date. The more calm the body language, the calmer and more productive the date will be. Here’s to a successful first date.
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Michelle Afont is a relationship expert, divorce lawyer, and author of The Dang Factor. She has witnessed firsthand the reasons for the demise of over 50% of the marriages throughout the United States. Her vast experience in the world of breakups, heartbreak, makeups, and re-launching love is the reason she changes the way women love. Michelle has conducted extensive research on the intricacies of love, commitment, faithfulness, and what makes a relationship work. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter for more relationship advice.
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