Tag: advice

BODY LANGUAGE TO NOTICE on Your First Date

Published on by Lee1 Comment

Everybody tells a story. By merely paying attention to body language, you can get your first clue as to if your potential match may go the distance. The way you move, react, and interact can send a signal about the way you are feeling at any given moment. But what about the way someone reacts to you? Is it possible to tell what someone is thinking about you simply by the way they move their body?

In the world of first dates and new relationships, the body language from either party can express more than the actual words themselves. As humans, we like to touch the things we like. We like to be physically close to people we like. Touch and sweet gestures can signal the beginning stages of a possible long-term connection with your date.

The most obvious form of body language that indicates your date is interested in you is touch. Touch is a great sign of interest. Placing a hand on the small of your back as you enter a restaurant speaks volumes. Reaching across the table and touching your hand for a quick second shows interest. Gestures and facial expressions can also add to the element of attraction. Direct eye contact during your date is also a good sign of someone liking you.

As a general rule, we like to be physically close to someone we feel a connection with. Being physically close to someone is a human craving, but the human connection needs to come first. One good way to tell if your date is feeling connected to you is to pay attention to the amount of physical space between you. We’ve all had those awkward encounters where your date maintains a 3-foot distance from you at all times. Or worse yet, your date walks 10 feet in front of you and leaves you in the dust. In these instances, it’s generally safe to say there is not a great connection between you.

To ensure your body language is received favorably, it’s important to be available. This means keep your hands on the table so they can be touched. Uncross your arms as you walk so your date can take your hand. Walk-in a relaxed and carefree posture and expect nothing. That way, if there is a reach for your hand, it’s comfortable and not forced. In other words, make yourself touchable (but not too touchable!).

Call me a hopeless romantic, or simply old-fashioned, but I think traditional roles should still be considered when making the first move on a date. When making the first move to hold hands or walk arm-in-arm, if you want to scrap tradition and go for it, you need to be equally ready to accept rejection if your date is not feeling the vibe.

To let your date know you are interested, a smile works wonders and also helps to ease the first date jitters. Eye contact goes a long way to promote interest, especially when done with a slight touch on the arm or hand across the table. Sitting across from your date rather than side by side at the table gives a better view of your body language. Oh, and leaning in to talk signals, “I like you.”

Advertisements

Tense, ridged, and upright body language signals stress and straight-up anxiety, something no one wants to deal with, especially on a first date. The more calm the body language, the calmer and more productive the date will be. Here’s to a successful first date.

Shop our sex and love collection:

  • We-Vibe Touch X
  • WOMANIZER PREMIUM eco

Michelle Afont is a relationship expert, divorce lawyer, and author of The Dang Factor. She has witnessed firsthand the reasons for the demise of over 50% of the marriages throughout the United States. Her vast experience in the world of breakups, heartbreak, makeups, and re-launching love is the reason she changes the way women love. Michelle has conducted extensive research on the intricacies of love, commitment, faithfulness, and what makes a relationship work. Follow her on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter for more relationship advice.

Up next, be the first to know our weekly content and sign up for our BeautyLeeBar newsletter.

How to LAST LONGER IN BED

Published on by Lee1 Comment

Hello again, dear friend Anonymous. Welcome back to our sex talk column where readers submit questions, and we do our research and then craft a story to answer as many as we can. This week we tapped Cheryl Fagan, sexpert and founder of On Top, to provide the steamy secret to standout stamina. She’s also responsible for deeply explaining holistic sexuality to our readers.

We know you’re antsy for the answer, so we’ll let her take it from here.

I Want to Last Longer in Bed. What Can I Do? 

“The answer to this question will differ from person to person. This question takes some self-inquiry. It’s not necessarily a matter of tricks and techniques you need to learn but getting real within and knowing what it is that you are expecting from the experience of sex.

Why do you want to last longer? Are you getting tired? Or bored? Is it because the pleasure is so intense you can’t get enough or is it that you think you ‘should be going for longer? This question needs to be considered from a biopsychosocial approach. There could be something going on hormonally or maybe medication is having an influence (I’d encourage seeing a medical professional rule this out). We want to consider some cultural myths or expectations that you may need to let go of. Are there interpersonal relationship issues? Do you feel safe? Do you know your sexual needs matter just as much as your partner’s? How are your self-esteem and sexual energy?

Advertisements

We live in a culture that is constantly telling us that sex is about performance, but satisfying/nourishing/mind-blowing sex is so much deeper than that. It’s not just about lasting longer but being completely satisfied. So how can we help you find sexual satisfaction…

Without knowing all of the details, I’m going to approach this from a psychological perspective. What did I mean earlier when I said it’s not about tricks, but about self-awareness? Knowing your sexual inhibitions and how to work with them is the key to having the sex life you desire.

Sexual inhibitions can be conscious or subconscious blocks that we have to experience sexual desire or arousal. They can be a result of your upbringing, social conditioning, past experiences, and so on.

It’s not about more techniques or skills but lessening those inhibitions.

One aspect of being sexually empowered is knowing your ons and offs. What turns you on and what turns you off? List them. Consider your most memorable and mind-blowing sexual experience (if you don’t think you’ve had that—what is a fantasy?), and write down what you felt, smelled, saw, tasted, and heard. What was so good about it? Now think of a not-so-great sexual experience and answer those same questions. Don’t judge yourself—if you don’t like some positions, that’s OK, or if you like the lights a certain way, that’s OK. Once you have a better sense of this and can communicate that to yourself and then to your partner(s), you’re on the road to the sex you desire. Being able to honestly communicate about sex is one of the greatest determining factors of how enjoyable sex will be for you.

Once you understand your ons and offs better, act on that. Do the things that increase your arousal and limit the offs. When you’re so aroused, present in the moment, and prioritizing your pleasure and your partner’s pleasure, I am sure it will last as long as you both need for the satisfaction you’re after.”

Shop our sex and love collection:

  • We-Vibe Touch X
  • WOMANIZER PREMIUM eco

The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that BeautyLeeBar, LLC (“HelloBeauties”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. The opinions and content included in the article are the views of the interviewee only, and BeautyLeeBar does not endorse or recommend any such content or information, or any product or service mentioned in the article. You understand and agree that BeautyLeeBar shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

Up next, be the first to know our weekly content and sign up for our BeautyLeeBar newsletter.

How to Not MINDFUCK YOURSELF

Published on by Lee3 Comments

One of the best pieces of advice I was ever given was this: “Stop standing in your way.” And the thing standing in the way of us and our dreams? FEAR. Fear that we won’t succeed, fear that things won’t work out, and fear that we simply aren’t good enough. It is so easy to allow these fears to have control over us. And when we do, fear limits us by keeping us locked in our comfort zones, driving us to self-sabotage, and keeping us stuck.

But as author Zig Ziglar put it, perhaps FEAR has two meanings, one that confines us and one that empowers us:

Meaning 1: Forget Everything and Run

Meaning 2: Face Everything and Rise

Imagine the potential we would unlock if we began to use fear to help us rise to opportunity rather than run from it. Here are a few tips to help do this:

1. Question Your Thoughts

When the voice of doubt, uncertainty, and fear comes into your mind, take a moment to question its authority. Remember that you are not your thoughts; you are simply the observer of them. This means that you have the power to choose whether to trust and act on these thoughts or choose to ignore, replace, and overcome them. When fear tells you, “Don’t do it, you’ll never succeed,” take a deep breath, pause, and replace that thought with one that empowers you. Perhaps you could repeat a positive mantra such as “I am capable of anything I set my mind to.”

2. Be Ok with Discomfort

When fear tells you to “forget everything and run” and you choose to instead “face everything and rise,” you make that wonderful and liberating choice to step outside of your comfort zone. What inevitably accompanies this decision (to varying degrees) is a feeling of discomfort. Remember that your subconscious finds comfort in the familiar, even if that familiar is not something that serves you. So when you decide to rise (step outside of your comfort zone), your subconscious says to you, “What’s going on here? This doesn’t feel right. This isn’t what you normally do.” This creates a feeling of discomfort. At this point, you have another choice to make—do you allow the discomfort to push you to self-sabotage and fall back into old patterns, or do you sit with that discomfort, be OK with it, and keep going for the greater good?

Advertisements

3. Heal the Source

Fear is almost always driven by a culmination of your insecurities, past experiences, and old pain. When you become aware of your fear, you can allow it to guide you to unhealed wounds that need some love, care, and attention so that you can break the fear cycle.

4. Find Your Reason

When fear rears its ugly head, you need a good enough reason to fight it off and move forward. You need to be clear on WHY you should choose not to Forget Everything and Run, but instead Face Everything and Rise. Ask yourself, “What change do I want in my life and why do I want it?” Allow your desire and passion for personal growth to drive you, undeterred by the doubt in your mind.

5. Get Ready

When you start to live a life that is not governed by fear but is fueled by it, your life will transform in every way. So get ready to let go of the past and embrace the endless possibilities ahead of you.

Essentially, what I’m trying to say is this: fears will come into your mind, but see them for what they are—unwelcome visitors. Don’t allow them to control your behavior or dictate what you do or don’t do. Don’t allow them to rule over you and your future. Do not allow yourself to be mindfucked by your fear. Remember that you always have a choice. So choose to take charge, rise above your fears and doubts, step out of your comfort zone, unlock your fullest potential, and manifest the life of your f*cking dreams!

Advertisements

Roxie Nafousi is a self-development coach, manifesting expert, yoga teacher, and host of the podcast “The Moments That Made Me.” Head to her website to book a spot in her next self-development webinar, schedule a one-on-one advice session, or download one of her meditations or affirmation playlists designed to help you on your manifestation journeys. Follow her on Instagram.

The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that BeautyLeeBar, LLC (“Hello Beauties”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. The opinions and content included in the article are the views of the author only, and BeautyLeeBar does not endorse or recommend any such content or information, or any product or service mentioned in the article. You understand and agree that BeautyLeeBar shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article or any other article that is provided on here, BeautyLeeBar.com.

How Are You Going to MAKE YOUR RESOLUTIONS LAST?

Published on by LeeLeave a comment

We’re all guilty of entering the new year with the greatest of intentions. We want to turn our lives around and kick-start all these healthy habits we hope will change our lives for the better.

It’s great … in theory.

But then, when we try to stick it out long-term, we fail. But why?

Advertisements

Work from the inside out

Around 60% of us will make New Year’s resolutions, but only 8% of us will be successful in achieving them. And this is because we don’t tend to approach them in the right way. Often, the biggest issue with making grand plans for the new year is that we don’t tackle these changes from the inside out.

If you don’t start by looking at the internal factors that got you into the position you’re in today, then you will be relying on nothing more than sheer willpower to change your external life. And willpower is like a battery; it needs to be restored and will eventually run out altogether.

The biggest difference between those who succeed and those who don’t, in anything, is consistency. And expecting to change purely from the outside isn’t sustainable. I always say it’s like trying to polish a turd. You can’t stay consistent that way. If the internal landscape doesn’t change, the external landscape doesn’t change—or at least it won’t change long-term.

The only way to work toward a new you is to take a long, hard look at how you became the way you are now. Now, this isn’t an exercise in beating yourself up. It’s an exercise in looking at what you need to succeed, why you feel a need to change, and what hasn’t worked for you so far.

Advertisements

In many cases, large-scale changes come about when something big happens—a huge internal shift that pushes us forward. For example, the child in school who was told they wouldn’t make it grows up with this big motivation to prove people wrong, manifesting in their hard work and success. Or the unfit dad who smokes suddenly realizes he can’t even play in the park with his kid anymore and decides to kick the habit once and for all.

It’s about suddenly recognizing something about ourselves—a turning point—be that a photo that shocked us, a death, one putdown too many, or an opportunity being waved at us. Something happens and we suddenly see something we don’t want for ourselves or something we want. At that moment, something shifts inside us, and we start doing things a little differently as a result. And it empowers us toward success.

Advertisements

Ask yourself why

Say your resolution this year is to drink less alcohol. It might be easy enough to succeed at this, just changing your weekly schedule slightly. But if you can’t, and you’re finding it more challenging, you need to ask yourself why. What does the drink do for you that you’re not addressing?

When the internal isn’t shifted, the root cause of why you’re drinking more than you’d like doesn’t either, so you can’t expect the behavior to change. Ask yourself why. Is it boredom, emotional needs, a lack of inspiration, or stress? Why have you gotten to a point where you feel a need to change this about yourself? What have you lost along the way?

Advertisements

Sometimes, you can engage in new behavior and feel so good about it that it helps clear this blockage. But usually, you need to unblock it first, uncover the root cause, and change the behavior that way. Your behavior and the result you currently have to live with are only the symptoms. The root cause is what you need to identify to change.

Similarly, we need to hold strong to our goals. We all say “ah, fuck it” from time to time and engage in behaviors we know we shouldn’t. That’s normal. But it’s when we don’t get back on the horse and we allow all the progress we’ve made to come undone that we stay where we are, or worse, go further backward.

If saying “fuck it” means one step forward, three steps back, it’s going to be a long time before you get anywhere, and we’ll have increased feelings of failure to deal with for not succeeding. It’s a way to ensure we feel worse about ourselves, not better. Identify what triggers you to say it. What makes you put off the changes you want to make? It might be a lack of willpower, an overwhelming sensation, or feeling worn out. But whatever it is, you want to get down to those root that created the situation you’re now trying to deal with.

New Year’s resolutions can be a great way to establish better habits and start the new year as healthily and happily as possible. But they take a lot of hard work and internal progress. You can’t just change behavior overnight and expect it to stick. You need to change your internal landscape first. Once you identify why you want or need to change something, your resolutions will become a lot easier to stick to. When the internal landscape shifts, the external one soon follows.

Advertisements