Category: wellness

Understanding Your HUMAN DESIGN

Published on by Lee1 Comment

This is a defining year for a lot of us. We’re all sitting with ourselves, our vulnerabilities, our resilience, our goals, and our pivots. Many of us are learning a lot about ourselves, while others are seeing where we want to make a change. 

Giving structure to what makes us tick the way we do is an excellent practice for giving these moments clarity. That’s where Human Design comes in. It consists of four types: Manifestors, Projectors, Reflectors, and Generators. There is some fluidity between them, but knowing where we lean can have a great impact on how we approach the next steps in life and understanding how we got to where we are and what our strategy should loosely look like.

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Generators

Generators are as kinetic as they sound. To generate means to create, so generators are hard workers. They are typically creative, energetic, and productive. They love to produce and build, and they usually have a clear, defined goal in mind that they work toward until it’s completed and there is something to show for it. 

Generators are the most common human design, so many of you may be feeling akin to this. However, there are two types of generators—Pure Generators and Manifesting Generators. Manifesting Generators can be super intense and headstrong, jumping into big ideas and projects with an unstoppable force of energy. They need to keep in mind that patience and consideration pay off when making big moves or launching a big idea into reality.

Pure Generators are a bit more fluid. They go with the flow, are patient and resilient, and are deeply connected to nature. They can hesitate to take risks, however, and get stuck in a state of deliberation, dwelling on perfectionism. Pure Generators need to remind themselves to stay present, which includes practicing fearlessness.

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Projectors

Projectors are guides. They help to lead other people both directly and indirectly, by being sources of inspiration via their infectious energy. They aren’t selfless leaders necessarily, as they learn a lot about themselves through their experiences with other people and relationships. They are curious, smart, sensitive, and loving, and are deeply intrigued by others and creating relationships.

Projectors need to be seen for who they are, accepted and loved for it more than anything else. It’s what drives them and their purpose. Like generators, Projectors work very hard to be seen and recognized. However, sometimes this diligent work goes unnoticed by a passive employer or a misunderstanding partner, and it can make Projectors feel exhausted or self-conscious, even annoying. Projectors need to communicate their needs clearly and trust that the universe will invite them on their path, instead of trying to force success and relationships. 

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Manifestors

Manifestors are much rarer. They love freedom and typically dislike authority, and like to make the first move, so to speak. They are proactive and energetic, having really powerful energy that either tends to repel people or let them in selectively. Some might describe Manifestors as having a “strong personality,” even if they aren’t loud or forthcoming, just because of their intense aura.

Manifestors have a strong need to communicate their goals and intentions with others, and they must do. Their job is to inform those around them—employers, friends, family, lovers—of their dreams and plans before taking action. This is how Manifestors can flex their powers without stepping on anyone’s toes. 

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Reflectors

Reflectors are the rarest human design type of all. They are known as incredibly open and sensitive beings and can be supportive and beneficial friends to anyone, regardless of others’ energy, because they don’t absorb the energy of others. This doesn’t mean that Reflectors are cold—they can be very warm and empathetic. It simply means they have the power to be wise and helpful, unaffected in a deeply personal way by those around them.

What makes Reflectors stand out against the other human design types is that they feel deeply connected with the moon. It is said that Reflectors should wait for a full lunar cycle (28 days) before making important decisions. They benefit from the pause, the cleansing of the situational energy proximity, and the gathering of information before jumping to any conclusion.

WHICH ONE ARE YOU? COMMENT BELOW!

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How to Handle Things THE SECOND YOU’RE TRIGGERED

Published on by Lee2 Comments

None of us is above being triggered. Even the most evolved person in the room—someone with a healthy, trained mindset—will struggle from time to time. We all have moments when we’re tired, we’re drained, and our batteries are running low. And it’s at times like these when we’re most open to being triggered.

Everything goes wrong one day, and suddenly we can fall victim to our situations. Someone says something that doesn’t sit right with us and we get defensive, or vice versa. When we’re triggered, we tend to react as if everything we’re feeling in that moment is the unequivocal truth. In actuality, it’s usually just our one-sided perception of the story, and it’s driven by past hurts.

And so begins our downfall.

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Adding fuel to the fire

The second someone feels triggered, their defenses go up. And the reaction will often create an equally defensive reaction in whoever else is involved. It’s like a chain reaction.

When somebody feels like they’ve been made into the bad guy in a situation, they’ll naturally want to defend themselves and justify their actions. During tense moments, those reasons are often at each other’s expense. We say, “You made me so mad,” pushing that discomfort onto them. But they fight back with “Well, I wouldn’t have said that if…,” getting defensive themselves. It’s a deflection of guilt or upset, and we begin the blame and justification dance that has no winners and often leaves all parties feeling sore.

When both parties are triggered and defensive, neither is dealing with the truth of the moment. Neither is accepting the role they may or may not have played. Perhaps nobody did anything wrong, but defensiveness has certainly escalated matters. And now both sides are fighting completely different fights based on differing views of the same situation, and no one is dealing with what’s going on at the moment. Which is that both sides are dealing with some past sore point.

We react like the complaint now is the truth—when we’re just triggered by an emotional echo. Whether one person feels triggered or both people do, we fall victim to our reactions, focusing on the often minor current issue. Both add fuel to the fire, and nobody wins. Before we know it, two people who love each other have just fallen out over something utterly trivial.

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Everything links back

In these instances, the exact details of why we became triggered in the first place are largely irrelevant. The point is that, even though a real comment or action might have triggered us, our reaction isn’t about the actual situation at hand.

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We’re only ever triggered by the past, and our triggers will always stem back to something from our childhood. For the first 20 years of our life, life happens to us. Then, we spend the rest of it dealing with what happened to us.

But if we’re not aware of this—and neither is the other party—how can we find a resolution? We aren’t walking in each other’s shoes. We can’t know exactly where they’re coming from. We’re two people with different pain points and perspectives. It’s like a conversation where both parties are speaking different languages and wondering why no one is making any sense.

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Learning to let go

What has us stuck in these triggered moments is running over things again and again. We’re trapped trying to make sense of truth in the present moment that simply doesn’t exist there but in our past.

So, to move past this, we need to work on our awareness and try to catch ourselves. If someone is consistently talking over us or not listening and it triggers us, we should ask ourselves, who first did this to us? Was it a parent? Or a sibling? When did we first not feel heard or respected in conversations? If we can look back and grow our awareness of what we need at the moment, we can explain to someone what triggers us now, what our sore point is, and what we need to help us feel heard and understood.

Also, it’s worth knowing we will often put ourselves around people who will repeat behaviors we didn’t like when we were younger, so we can continue working out how to handle it and grow past it. This is a subconscious choice, but one we all make. Ever noticed someone dealing with the same things again and again, like repeating the type of significant other they go for? The more we engage with the tense, defensive moments today, the more we are buying into them being real and about us now. They aren’t about now.

Instead, we want to notice the moments when we’re triggered. Or when we might be triggering someone else. It’s no easy feat. It’s an ongoing exercise in strengthening our awareness and ability to detach from what is here, to see what is going on there in our minds and our past. And the more we practice this, the more evolved we become, the more we strengthen this muscle, and the quicker we will let these moments go when they arise.

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Are You Low Key AUTOSEXUAL?

Published on by Lee3 Comments

Are you autosexual? The short answer is yes, most likely. We all are, at least a little. Casey Tanner, therapist, writer, and founder of QueerSexTherapy, helped us define autosexuality as “a trait wherein one is turned on by engaging in their eroticism.” In other simpler term, it means that you have an emotional and sexual attraction to yourself. So, to be autosexual, you have a sexual desire for yourself, being erotically aroused by your own physical being. A prime example of this is simply women in general. While it may not be accurate for everyone, we generally feel more sexual and turned on when we feel we are sexy. But it’s not just about the ladies.

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“ While masturbation is the most obvious example, autosexuality (or autoromantic ) may extend beyond sexual behavior to include feeling a longing or desire for oneself. It can also be the ability to turn oneself on through looking at, visualizing, touching, or smelling oneself.

Simply put, being autosexual is feeling a sexual attraction toward yourself, like sex and relationship expert Carmel Jones explains. The term is often also brought up with “autoromantic,” which refers to a romantic attraction to yourself, whereas “autosexual” is just the sexual component.

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Tanner tells us that “like most human characteristics, autosexuality is a spectrum—and the majority of us are on it! Some may identify as exclusively autosexual, in which case they might consider autosexuality their sexual orientation. Most people, however, incorporate autosexuality into a larger sexual repertoire that also includes being turned on by partnered sex.”

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If you have someone in your life who identifies as autosexual, don’t dismiss them or think of autosexuality under the umbrella of narcissism or selfishness, Jones says. Instead, acknowledge the validity of their sexual identity.

For partners, remember that their autosexuality is not an insult or attack against you. It doesn’t mean they are not sexually attracted to you or don’t want to have sex with you, Jones says, but instead that you may need to keep an open mind and understand that your sexual relationship with an autosexual partner may look a little different from what you’re used to and your ways of pleasuring each other may also be a little different.

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This might mean wearing sexy lingerie, even if your partner hardly gives it a second glance. It could mean doing your hair and makeup so that you feel good and turned on, even when you’ve been in a long-term monogamous relationship and the other party hardly notices. It could mean washing lovingly in the bath and genuinely enjoying your body. It could mean dancing in the mirror in a cute outfit. If feeling sexy independent of someone else has ever turned you on, that’s autosexuality, and it’s normal.

Like all things, it’s on a spectrum, as White explains. You can be in a romantic relationship with someone else but still find it easier to be turned on with yourself, she adds. You might also have sexual feelings triggered by thoughts, images, or sexual fantasies involving yourself. Or you might feel naturally turned on by looking at yourself in the mirror or fantasizing about yourself naked.

If you enjoy watching yourself have sex or are attracted to people who look like you, those could also be signs you’re autosexual, according to Jones.

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Autosexuality is often associated with narcissism, but experts agree that’s not an accurate way of thinking about autosexuality. “This is not the same as narcissistic personality disorder, as narcissists require admiration and attention from others and lack empathy,” White explains. Instead, “ people who identify as autosexual are able to have relationships with others but have a preference for sex with themselves.”

” Many folks resist autosexuality, fearing that it’s narcissistic or might detract from partnered sex. In reality, autosexuality can be a healthy, even valuable part of your sex life, explains Megwyn White, director of education for Satisfyer. Embrace loving yourself! Embrace turning yourself on!

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When we know how to turn ourselves on, we depend less on environmental cues to move us into a sensual headspace. When we look at or fantasize about ourselves, we are in touch with our bodies and senses. Getting turned on by oneself does not mean you think you’re better than other people, that you’re selfish, or that you’re not attracted to your partner(s). Rather, it’s one additional tool in your box for sparking desire and passion.

It takes us into a comfortable, relaxed space when we find our sexuality to be attractive. We are sensual beings, so depending on our sensuality instead of relying solely on others to turn us on has profound power. It takes the pressure off of partnered sex, and it brings so much pleasure to our time, ehem, alone. Wherever you land on the spectrum of autosexuality, none of it is wrong. Enjoy yourself, literally.

Need more info, Health got ya! Click here to get more details on autosexuality. Web MD is another great source to visit.

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The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that BeautyLeeBar, LLC (“Hello Beauties”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. You understand and agree that BeautyLeeBar shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.

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How to Keep From Getting Emotionally Drained During the Holidays

Published on by Lee1 Comment

I wouldn’t call myself a big Kacey Musgraves fan, only because I don’t know much about her besides her iconic Met Gala 2019 look. I am, however, obsessed with all things Christmas, so I simply had to watch her special on Amazon Prime. Always a fan of new versions of my favorite holiday classics, I listened intently to the songs she selected, but one specific song struck a chord (pun intended). Amidst Let it Snow and Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree, Kacey sang Christmas Makes Me Cry. And full disclosure, it kinda did make me cry.

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Here’s the truth: while the holidays are undoubtedly the most wonderful time of the year, it can also feel stressed, lonely, and yes, even make you cry. Sure, spending time with loved ones is great, giving feels good, and Elisa & Marcela is the best movie of all time. However, all of the parties, the shopping, and the questions from nosy aunts about when you’re getting married/having children/settling down can get draining.

Now is the part in the story where I burst out into a rendition of Where Are You Christmas as I contemplate what has happened to the true meaning à la Cindy Lou Who. I’ll spare you from my awful singing voice (ask my coworkers!), and instead, give you tips so you can enjoy the holidays. If all you want for Christmas is an uninterrupted nap, here are seven ways to avoid getting emotionally drained this season.

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Keep up the parts of your daily routine that make you feel good

When it comes to your consistent daily routine, make a list of the non-negotiable: does exercising every day keep you from getting stressed out? Does a morning meditation center you, or a strict 10:30 pm bedtime makes you feel like yourself the next day? Whatever the most important part of your daily routine is, make sure you stick to it.

Prioritize “recharge” time

Even if you’re a self-diagnosed extrovert through and through, we all need alone time to recharge and gain energy or find peace. Stay in for a night if you feel like you’re starting to dread what’s on your calendar, or push back dinner plans to take a relaxing bath. Even if you’re visiting family and feel like you have no space, try to wake up a little earlier than everyone else to go for a run or read in a quiet place.

Determine what about the holidays makes you happy

We all have lots of traditions and plans that we want to fit in each holiday season, but very few of these things on our to-do lists make us happy. Make a list of your top goals for the season. Is it to spend time with family members you don’t get to see often? Is it to contribute to your community or help those in need? Is it to make memories with your children? For the next few weeks, keep your goals in mind and only say yes to the events, invitations, and traditions that help you reach those goals. Permit yourself to let go of everything else.

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Buy presents in bulk

For all of your coworkers, kids’ teachers, and party hosts, have a go-to gift on hand that you buy in advance, so you don’t have to spend too much time and energy shopping for each person or gift exchange. Save the long lines, big crowds, and steep prices for the closest loved ones in your life. Planning will also help you stick to a budget, reducing money stress that usually comes as the season goes on.

Eat, drink, and be merry… intuitively

The mind and body are inextricably linked. Yes, it’s important to give yourself proper nourishment (mindful eating is the key!), but the guilt you put on yourself is worse for your body than any peppermint stick or cheese soufflé could be. There will be a lot of indulgences this season, and you should not feel guilty for sipping on eggnog or having a slice of grandma’s pecan pie. Enjoy the “worth-it moments” that represent traditions or bring you closer to loved ones. Stop eating when you’re no longer hungry, listen to what your body needs, and put some leafy greens next to the mashed potatoes and casserole on your plate.

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Rethink your expectations

One reason that the season can feel draining is that it seems so “magical” and hyped up that it very rarely lives up to expectations. Maybe you pictured being in love this time of year and are single, or you envisioned a perfect Christmas Eve dinner, but your cousins fought the whole time, or maybe you didn’t have time to fit in all you wanted to do. Stop thinking of the season as the greeting card version, and enjoy all the little moments that are unique to you. Remember that “forced happiness” (i.e. trying to get into the holiday spirit when you’re just not feeling it) is not real happiness, and can make you sadder or more anxious.

Focus on giving instead of what you’re lacking

So giving is the ultimate virtue of Christmas, but it runs much deeper than with gifts. It may sound counterintuitive, but whatever you feel you’re missing or stressed about not having (whether it’s time, money, or companionship), give it away. If you’re feeling like you’re tight on money, give $5 to a charity or buy toys and snow boots for a holiday drive. If you’re feeling lonely this season, figure out how you can give love: call your mom, check-in on a friend who’s having a hard time, or invite your elderly neighbor over for dinner.

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As cliché as it sounds, giving is magical. Not just for all the reasons you learned as a little kid about making other people feel good (don’t get me wrong, that’s still important!!), but because it’s one of the few things (if not the thing) that has the power to transform how your life looks like to you. Start focusing on what you do have, instead of what you don’t.

How do you keep up your mental health during the holidays?

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